Green and Blue | boyxboy

All About His Doubt

Jason's POV

I was growing impatient and sort of anxious when Kia was only about minutes to arrive. I saw Frank today, but only some quick stares and glances. I think we're both still... I don't know what's the word but I don't think any of us is ready to talk to the other. When I heard the knock on the door I immediately opened it, revealing an astonished-looking Kia in the other side.

"Come, let's go to my room," I said, leaving the door open for her to come in and then closing it carefully behind her.

We went inside my room, she sat on my desk and I sat on my bed. An uncomfortable silence started to fill the air, but I didn't know how to beak it.

"So, what is it you wanted to tell me?" She asked after she noticed I wasn't going to be able to break the silence.

"Right. That."

"Yes. That," she replied, still waiting for me to reply.

"I don't know where to start," I said furrowing my forehead as I remembered everything that had happened. Chills were sent down my spine as soon as I started to remember.

"Try from the beginning," she said with a calming smile.

"Okay, uh," I think it all started at Ellie's party so, "remember that game we played at Ellie's party? Puppeteer or something like that."

"Yeah," she replied nodding her head.

"Well, I was one of Ellie's puppet. And one of the things she ordered us to do was," I took a deep breath and then swallowed as I closed my eyes, trying not to remember how his kiss tasted like, "kiss."

Kia nodded and I continued, "And I..." I really didn't want to say this, "I really..." don't say it, "really liked it."

"Okay," she said and a small smile escaped her lips, but she quickly hid it.

"And I kept asking Ellie who the other puppet was, but she wouldn't tell me because of the rules," I continued, "but after I kept pleading and pleading, she finally gave in. She told me the other puppet would come to my house last Friday so could meet them. I was very excited about it."

Kia nodded once again told me to keep going, "And when the time came, I opened the door to see that the other puppet was..." I took a very deep breath and said as fast as I could, "Frank."

Kia tried to remain with her poker face, but I could see deep down she was also surprised. But she didn't judge me, she didn't say "ew!", she didn't say "so, you're gay", she didn't say anything. She wanted me to feel comfortable and finish the story. So I did.

"I think you can guess some part of happened," I said, expecting her to be satisfied with my answer, but she was still silent, so I kept talking, "I freaked out and started to say a bunch of things that I don't really remember and I don't think I meant. Anyways, I think I harmed his feelings or something, because he started to defend himself, and when I tried to remind him it was just a kiss he..." I paused again as if the words were unable to be spoken with my tongue, "shut me up..." I breathed again and closed my eyes, not opening again, "with a kiss."

Kia didn't say anything. I opened my eyes and she still had her poker face on. After finishing my story, I asked her what she thought.

"What I think doesn't matter, what really matters is what you think," she said, standing up.

"The problem here is that I don't know what I think or feel or anything. I just... don't know," I said as I furrowed my brows and looked at her dark brown eyes.

"Okay, then let's think about everything in parts. Divide everything into pieces," she replied, sitting down on my desk's chair, facing me, "close your eyes and forget everything about last Friday, hell, forget Ellie's party. Just remember Frank. The Frank you hated when you met," she made me smile for a millisecond, but I couldn't help it, I could only remember the clumsy little boy that tripped and made me drop my binder. I hated that piece of uncooked spaghetti so much, he was a stubborn piece of shit first, "and how you slowly became friends," this also made me smile, "you can tell me what you think if you want, if not it's f—"

"He always laughed at my dumb ass," I said interrupting her, my eyes still closed, "I guess we actually were friends."

"Were?" Kia asked, making me open my eyes suddenly.

"I guess I don't know anymore."

"I told you to forget about what happened recently," Kia replied, a rush of relief overcame me, making me sigh and close my eyes again.

"Right," I answered, "are."

"Now, slowly remember Ellie's party. You don't know it's Frank yet. You kiss the other puppet, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?"

"Delight," the words escape my mouth before I could stop them. A picture of Frank came up to my mind. No. He's not kissing me yet. This kiss is between me and a shadow.

"How did this kiss made you feel?"

"Wanted,"

"Wanted?"

"As if the other person actually cared for me," I explained, trying not to think about the fact that I would probably regret saying everything I thought on the second I thought about it, "that's probably why I didn't want it to end."

"That's why you wanted to know the other puppet's identity, correct?"

"Yes,"

"And when Frank showed up at your door," my breathing stopped for a second, the memory of a confused-looking Frank standing on my doorstep replayed in my mind, making me feel overwhelmed all over again, "what did you feel?"

"I... I didn't think it was going to be... a boy. Frank, of all others,"

"You would rather have another boy kiss you, but not Frank?"

"No! I... I just think I never saw Frank that way,"

"You only saw him as a friend,"

"Best friend,"

"Best friend. So, when you realized you had kissed your best friend the other day, you were—"

"Shocked," I interrupted, once again the words escaped my mouth, "I just... I guess I wasn't prepared for that."

"But if it had been Michie, you would've taken her out, wouldn't you?" She asked, and that question hit me. What if it had been Michie, or a girl in general?

"I guess I would've. But that's because I like girls."

"I never said you didn't, and I'm not trying to make you gay, I completely respect your sexuality. You can still be best friends with Frank, regardless of your sexuality, and you know that. But I believe you don't know whether you want to try something out with Frank or not. Am I correct?" Those words were hard to swallow. But after some time of pondering in silence, I answered.

"Yes,"

"Okay, now," she said, "forget what I just said and just remember how you felt when Frank shut you up with a kiss."

"It took me off guard,"

"Why?"

"Because this time I... I think I knew it was Frank who was kissing me. And I..." I paused, questions filling my head. But I chose to say what my heart was telling me, not what my brain was asking, "I still liked it."