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sometimes i imagine myself walking around with the words "i want to die" super glued on my body they say that the more they hurt you the more you get used to it but the more they hurt me the more it hurts.
they're just words they won't kill you they said oh but they will they'll twist your guts around like a merry-go-round and fuck up your brain with just a few syllables a simple solitary insult can malfunction your way of living with just a hitch of your lover's breath no antidote can fix your mess chains on every piece of clothing they own to make them look cooler than they seem but break them and you'll only see sterling knives in your future.
if you think i don't notice the plastic in their eyes, you're right i only see soft metal and silver-tongue boys who have veiny hands that can't keep to themselves that's why mavourneens like us should wear knight armor so they can't snake their way into our vivacious floret.
why do delightsome boys always have to break sweet-tempered hearts? it's best for them to fragment red nasty hearts laying around in the dark open but then there are no unbeautiful hearts there so maybe it's just destiny for our hearts to shatter.
crushed hot cheetos on the ground i can pretend that i'm competent i can smile in their faces and they'd call that happy i can laugh my loudest laugh and they'd call me a cheerful girl but when people ask me if i'm sad i get eminently confused because i don't feel sad i feel like suffocating in a hard wooden wall i feel like a wicked cyclone is swirling around me and the only other way out is to go in it i feel like i can't hold myself together like i'm not meant to be amalgamated i'm supposed to be separate my frivolous and my unhappy side both in different places but in the same body.
i'm exhausted of breathing balloons everyday there's not much sorrow left in anyone anymore i can't tell on what's pretty and what's not i've lost hope in everyone i've lost hope in me i've lost me.
