lover's breath

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sometimes i imaginemyself walking aroundwith the words"i want to die"super glued on my bodythey say that the more they hurt youthe more you get used to itbut the more they hurt methe more it hurts

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sometimes i imagine
myself walking around
with the words
"i want to die"
super glued on my body
they say that the more they hurt you
the more you get used to it
but the more they hurt me
the more it hurts.

they're just words
they won't kill you
they said
oh but they will
they'll twist your guts
around
like a merry-go-round
and fuck up your brain
with just
a few syllables
a simple solitary insult
can malfunction
your way of living
with just
a hitch of
your lover's breath
no antidote can
fix your mess
chains on every
piece of clothing
they own
to make them
look cooler
than they seem
but break them
and you'll only
see sterling
knives
in your future.

if you think
i don't notice
the plastic
in their eyes,
you're right
i only see soft metal
and silver-tongue
boys
who have veiny hands
that can't keep
to themselves
that's why
mavourneens like us
should wear
knight armor
so they can't
snake their way
into our vivacious floret.

why do delightsome
boys always
have to break
sweet-tempered hearts?
it's best for them
to fragment
red nasty hearts
laying around
in the dark open
but then there are
no unbeautiful hearts
there
so maybe it's
just destiny
for our hearts
to shatter.

crushed hot cheetos on the ground
i can pretend that i'm competent
i can smile in their faces
and they'd call that happy
i can laugh my loudest laugh
and they'd call me a cheerful girl
but when people ask me if i'm sad
i get eminently confused
because i don't feel sad
i feel like suffocating in a hard wooden wall
i feel like a wicked cyclone is swirling around me
and the only other way out is to go in it
i feel like i can't hold myself together
like i'm not meant to be amalgamated
i'm supposed to be separate
my frivolous and my unhappy side
both in different places
but in the same body.

i'm exhausted of breathing balloons everyday
there's not much sorrow left in anyone anymore
i can't tell
on what's pretty and what's not
i've lost hope in everyone
i've lost hope in me
i've lost
me.

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