Curious

Coffee

Taylor popped her coffee pod into her coffee maker and sighed, listening to the liquid hit the bottom of her mug. It was a break in the silence of the trailer, which Taylor had been steeping herself in for hours. She had been fighting with herself more so to say.

After her discussion with Laura she had went straight back to the trailer, sitting on her bed as she just thought. Memories of meeting Laura, of kissing her and holding her just whirred by in her head. The protectiveness she had over her, was like something she did when she was younger. Before she knew she was bi, she would be so protective over these girls, wanting to please them so bad until it backfired on her. Which is exactly what happened with Laura.

"Knock knock," Laura stepped into the trailer, wrapping her knuckles on the door. Taylor held up the finished mug of coffee for her.

"Coffee, non dairy creamer no sugar. Just how you like." She commented, turning to make her own cup. Laura sat at the table, graciously accepting the warm mug. She took a small sip, getting lipstick on it.

"Thanks. Look, I shouldn't have let things get this far. Taylor, we've...been through a lot together," Laura faltered as she tried to put her thoughts into words. She frowned, staring at the coffee mug. Taylor took a seat across from her, biting her lip. She wasn't going to interject, she wasn't going to say a word. "And sometimes I used to think that maybe I would never find someone, and I was destined to have you as a soulmate. Friends for life, you just know me. You know everything about me. I opened up to you in a way I hadn't for years, and you could tell that."

Taylor's tears came back at the word soulmates, and her hands began to shake. She too had the same thought about soulmates. Laura kept speaking,

"But then I realized that I was 36 and not fulfilling anything in my life plan, and I was set up with Ben and you know, I finally had direction in my life for once. I felt like I was securing a future. And I threw you away the second you came between me and that, and I'm sorry."

Laura reached out across the table, holding Taylor's hand in hers. Her thumb rubbed soft circles on the inside of her hand. Taylor relished in the touch, feeling Laura's skin against hers always made her feel warm and grounded. Laura clearly knew that too because it was calming Taylor's rapid heartbeat.

"I should have backed off. I really hate myself sometimes. God, Laura I didn't want to ruin anything for you-I mean I did but not your life plans shit..." Taylor swallowed roughly, taking courage to speak up for herself. "You know, screw it!" She laughed, tears starting to flow down. "You mentioned jealousy earlier and you know what you were right. I'm jealous of Ben because he makes you feel whole in ways that I just could never. I always thought maybe you just intimidated me, or our friendship was just so close but Laura. I fell in love with you,"

Laura dropped Taylor's hand, her expression changing into one of surprise. She knew Taylor was gay, and that was never an issue for her obviously. But this re-evaluation of their relationship made her have second thoughts. The way Taylor treated her once she was serious with Ben, everything added up and she couldn't breathe.

"You couldn't have told me that before I got engaged?" Laura said angrily, setting her coffee mug down with a slam. Taylor's tears subsided, and she got up to pace.

"Like it makes any difference. You're straight, I have no chance and no dick." She gestured, returning Laura's annoyance. Laura rolled her eyes, getting up and walking over to Taylor.

"Maybe it does make a difference. Maybe dick isn't the only thing I'm after. God, look at us. What the hell happened to us." She was about to corner Taylor but thought better of it, walking to drink her coffee.

"I miss us but I couldn't let you forgive me and crawl back and for me to be dying with this inside of me. You can slap me, you can storm off and never talk to me again. I just can't lie." Taylor replied, giving up. She was giving up in more sense than one, sinking to the floor. Laura shook her head, frowning. She could feel the vulnerability in Taylor, and walked over to where she was. Gently she crouched down, sitting beside her. Slowly, testing to see if Taylor would approve if her first, she wrapped her arms around her and leaned over kissing her forehead.

"I'm not mad. I wish you told me before I got engaged, but I love you. And whatever we have I want to continue, like we used to." Laura felt Taylor hum against her chest, releasing the tension in her shoulders greatly. "Because this is worth it, you are worth everything and I am an idiot to throw that away." She cupped her tear streaked cheeks, looking into Taylor's eyes. The blonde looked away, feeling ashamed. Laura tilted her chin up, forcing her to make eye contact before she kissed her.

It was soft, chaste, and sweet. Taylor pulled back in surprise, her brows furrowing. Laura gave a smirk and a shrug.

"Let's do what we want. When we want. It will be our little secret." She said, kissing Taylor again. Taylor was too consumed with the rising warmth flooding through her to argue against Laura's sworn plan of secrecy. People had to compromise all the time anyways, this was just one of hers. She got the girl she wanted after all.