Curious

Time

"Laura, I can't just..." Taylor furrowed her brow, trying to piece together a reply to Laura but she was caught off guard. She didn't sign up for this, she didn't ask for this, and all of it began to unravel her deep inside.

"Are you in or out?" Laura retained her stance on the issue, trying not to cry at Taylor's look of utter disbelief.

"I'm in, because I love you and I fucking hate you, and I am frustrated. But there is the tiniest speck of hope within me that tells me you need me, and that I can't fuck up again with you." Taylor explained, sighing and letting her shoulders down. Her eyes looked away from Laura, to the floor. She was so angry at herself for feeling the way she did, it was time for her to bolt.

"Okay. Go, I'll see you tomorrow." Laura let her go, knowing how badly Taylor needed to stew in her own angst for a while. Everything about the situation was fucked, and Laura knew that. She couldn't blame Taylor for being unsure. But this would happen eventually, right? Laura knew she was running out of time, and had even been told she was practically barren last time she consulted her gyno about fertility. This baby was her miracle, and came at the absolute worst time but that's fate for you. So no matter how much Laura lobbied for abortion rights, she had pushed the idea for her own self far away.

•

Taylor left Laura's house in a hurry, trying to contain her rage. But even as brilliant as an actor she was, the anger just made her snap at silly things like the subway card reader breaking on her card, or the subway being taken up by annoying teens. Which normally never phased her, and Taylor knew this meant her anxiety was flaring up at the stress of the situation.

She arrived at her subway stop, walking out into the cold November day, taking a deep breath in. Her cellphone chimed, as Uzo FaceTimed her. It was lunch break for the girls and they wanted to see Laura and Taylor.

"Taylor! You can see us right?" Uzo asked as she answered the call. "Hey hold up, you aren't in Laura's place? What's up?" She quickly realized Taylor was outside. Taylor shook her head, unsure how to frame it all.

"You know she fell asleep, I'm running some groceries. Sorry guys. She's really sick," Taylor lied, explaining why she was at a subway stop.

"You don't get sick now, listen to me. Flu spreads like wildfire on set. Take some tamiflu with her. Don't let yourself get infected." Uzo warned, laughing as the other women came into the trailer for lunch.

"Gotcha Uzo, talk later okay?" Taylor signed off, waiting for Uzo's reply of talk later kiddo so she could finally hang up. Buying groceries? Laura had her entire soup cabinet for lunch. Taylor walked back to her apartment, slamming the door shut once inside. She needed to stop the rushing thoughts in her head.

She went to her kitchen, starting her kettle on the oven. Taylor knew she was kidding herself with the idea that tea would calm her down but anything to distract would be nice. She leaned against her counter, shaking as her mind replayed the events from earlier that morning.

By being a private person by default, Taylor had lived in a quiet bubble of relationships throughout her life. They never bothered her, she liked being personal with someone and not shouting it from the rooftops. So Laura's secret game of sex and love was right up her alley. But now Taylor realized that she would never have the chance to have the perfect life she wants with the woman she loves and that hurt her. Like she was destined to be an affair for her entire life and never the wife. The tea kettle screamed as Taylor crumpled to the floor letting out her own yell of anger.

•

Laura had gotten an appointment with ob to do a real pregnancy test after Taylor left. The results were as they both decided, positive. And it really scared her.