Toxic Chaos

Painfully Beautiful Pt. 1

I wanna do everything in this world with you and I'm going to. I wanna be those best friends that everyone wonders how we're even friends but once they see us look at each other they know we're never leaving. I wanna be the ones who can't keep their hands off each other and wait for an empty house and close doors and go to kiss each other goodnight but take it too far. I wanna be those best friends who climb on roofs and talk about literally everything and stare at the sky and stars and the moon and talk about conspiracy theories and occasionally make up some and I want to be each other's punching bags and the reason we feel comfortable around each other.

We can take pictures everywhere we go and eat at all the restaurants with the weird food just to say we did and always put the do not disturb sign on some door so people know exactly what we're doing even when we're just playing card games.

We were the type of people who talked and I loved that. I know about every person you've loved and why you loved them and why they loved you. I know about some days in your life you didn't think you'd live through. I know what the word home means to you. Ill know your mom's name just by describing your bedroom when you were 8. I know when was the first time you felt hate. I know what you think of your first name and I know that you sometimes wonder if it fits you. I know you often lie awake at night thinking about how happy your mom is and how proud she is of you. I know more than what you do for a living. I know how much of your life you've spent giving and how insecure you are to think you don't deserve to receive enough of it back. I know that you bleed sometimes through other people's wounds.

I know so much about you that I feel your disappearance needs to be replaced because too much of me is empty and I just want to hug you.

We should carve our names on a tree trunk and whenever we walk our dog we see our names and remind ourselves how lucky we both are to have each other. I want you to be happy. I want to be the one who makes you happy. I want you to talk to me about everything; what makes you happy and what pisses you off and what you're too ashamed to talk about and what makes you sad.

It's all about who you wanna do everything with. I wanna make strawberry and blueberry pancakes with you without burning my mom's kitchen down. I want to drive around aimlessly ranting and singing but maybe this time to Disney movies and Disney princesses songs. I just want my best friend back. That's who it all comes down to. Your best friend.

It hasn't been a long time, but I've spent the past 5 best months of my life with someone as amazing. I just want you to know that I happen to think you're someone worth knowing and that I love every part of you until the ocean turns to dust! You're worth it. Period.