Toxic Chaos

Painfully Beautiful Pt. 2

Dear Best Friend,

I want you to know that since the day we met, I knew everything was going to change. You are my best friend, and you mean so much to me. Being with you makes life worth living. You once told me that if we ever get together I'd be giving up so much but I want you to know that I give up nothing if I'm with you.

I apologize straight from my heart for ignoring you whenever you make an attempt to make me feel better after our pointless arguments. I know I overreact and overthink a lot, and for that I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of how I treat you and I'm sorry I've been so moody lately.

One of the reasons as to why I don't want to be in a relationship with you, in all honesty, is because I think you deserve so much better. I've already hurt you and I wouldn't want you to be with someone someday who has already hurt you.

You are the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Each moment that you and I spend together is mesmerizing that I catch myself smiling for no reason at all. Thank you for being everything a girl needs and wants.

I have insecurities and you know that but you make me feel beautiful. I'm so thankful for what we have. I could never imagine what it would be like if we were to lose each other. I don't even want to think about it.

I want to tell you something that I've thought about a lot (yes, again with the overthinking BYE) and I couldn't find a better way to say it to be honest;I've never wanted the type of love that's from a fairytale, but it's all I got because that's just how much people understood of love. The love I want is a very real thing and it's out there. It has nothing to do with posting pictures to prove anything to the people or dropping everything to answer the texts immediately that aren't even urgent; that shit is high school to me. What I want in love, is respect even when arguments arise. I never want to cry my eyes out because of an argument. I want a love that has tenderness and commitment. Has laughter. Has playfulness. Has passion. Has morals and mostly always felt. (We're not there I know but I know you love me as a best friend and that says something as well).Never again do I want to question myself whether or not the man I am giving my all to, loves me. Never again will I entertain a man who tells me I'm asking for too much. I know what I want and what I want exists.

I guess what I'm saying is I like what we have and I have found all that in you. Yes, even commitment, even when you think you can't commit, you already have.You're so great that it scares me. How can someone be that full of greatness? You're different. You actually care. You're real. You listen to me. You like everything I like. You're smart. Anyone could easily trust you. Your kisses give me life. Your touch gives me goosebumps, like how the fuck can someone have the power of giving someone else goosebumps? And he says I'm weird.. You're gorgeous. You're painfully beautiful.

I could talk about you all day and it'd never be a bore.You're incredible.
Sincerely,Djana