Toxic Chaos

9 months

** I wrote this piece on the 25th of July but I didn't continue or publish it because I had nothing else to add, so I'm going to post it as is.

After countless ups and downs for three consecutive years, I think 2017 by far has been the only year that brings me joy. So much has changed; from the way, I see myself to the way I feel around people and to the way I treat myself. All that took only 9 months from me. 9 months sounds like a whole lot of time but it's not the first two months were from a hell year so those don't count, so starting from January, the first four months were the hardest. It took so much time and patience for me to understand who I really am and how people need to see me and how to accept myself.

If anyone asks how I got to this day, I honestly don't know how to answer.

I started believing that Faith, Hope, and Love are the three strongest Abstract emotions.

I had faith in myself more. I started believing that if I own up to myself and to the people who've wronged me that I'd build confidence and that I wouldn't let anyone treat me like I'm trash or a second choice, whether it's coming from a friend or family member or just someone I know. No one has the right to treat you like they're above you whether you mean to them or you don't. We were all placed on this same planet because we all deserve to be treated equally. Whether it's gender wise or if it's race wise or if it's culture wise or if it's tradition wise or if it's rank wise or if it's perspectives wise or if it's anything personal. You were brought to this world whether you liked it or not and the only thing left for you to do is to deal with it. Because if you won't deal with your own problems and get them over with then no one will. And if you keep avoiding things, they'll add up and the only things that'll happen are explosions.

Hope is the only thing that boosted my energy. The only reason that kept me going. The only true push to leading me to happiness. I may not be 100% happy but I can say I am way happier than I was before.

** Sorry if I haven't been posting much. I've been really busy lately. Anyway, let me know what you think!! :)