Bad Luck or Fate?

Chapter 39

I sat on the stool with tears streaming down my face as I watched Jimmy stand in front of me. He bit his lip as he stood in front of me. "Start a life with me, baby. Come home, please?" He asked me. I could only see him. I had tunnel vision. I watched as he stood there. I could see the smile slowly fading from his face.

"DO IT! SAY YES!" I heard above us. Jimmy raised his head and let out a smile. Several other people started cheering for him. I suddenly felt very self conscious and was very aware that we were in the middle of a large crowd. I stood up and grabbed Jimmy's hand and then pushed him towards the elevator. 

"Hey! What are you doing?" I kept pushing him towards the elevator. "We aren't doing this in front of everyone. We're keeping this as private as we can." I whispered. As we walked past Luke, the boy I paid to keep my room private, I shot him a look. "I want my 20 dollars back by the way!" I said as we walked into the elevator. 

"Give him a break. He was just doing what I told him to do. I paid good money for that information." He chuckled. I shot him a look as we went up to my floor. "Still not funny yet? Ok." He said as he looked down at the floor. "Will you talk to me?" he said as he looked back up at me holding his lips as he watched my face. I just stared at him. "I take that as a no." He said as the doors opened.

I pushed him out of the elevator and kept pushing him towards my room. "Hey quit pushing me!" he said as I opened the door and threw him in. I shut the door behind me and pushed him onto the bed. "Breck.." He started. I shook my head and put my finger in his face. He closed his lips and acted like he locked them with an invisible key and crossed his fingers as he looked down at the floor. I paced in front of him back and forth for a few minutes. I was sighing harder and harder with each lap I paced. Finally I found the word I was looking for.

"DUMBASS!"  I yelled at him finally. He whipped his head up and looked at me. "Okay, I deserve that." He said slowly. "No, No. You deserve more than that. Much more. I'm just so... pissed at you that the only word I can articulate to you right now without feeling like a complete asshole is DUMBASS. Cause that's what you are. You're an idiot. I mean it. A total and complete idiot!" I said as I paced some more.

"I don't disagree with you. I am an idiot. I'm an idiot for drinking. I'm an idiot for posing with those fans. I'm an idiot for not calling. For not coming home when I should have. I'm an idiot for walking out that front door when what I should have done was take you to the bedroom and show you how a woman should be treat. Show you how I really feel. I'm an idiot for all those reasons and a thousand more but.. this is what we do Breckyn. Well, that's what we do. We fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass - which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a two second rebound rate, and you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing...So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be REALLY hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's not with me then Go! I lost you once, I think I could do it again, if I thought it's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."  He said to me. 

"Really, James. Really? That's from the Notebook. You think I wouldn't notice?" I scoffed as I kept pacing. He grabbed my hand on the last way round. "Just because its from the Notebook, don't make it not true. But if you want real words, then I'll try my best but I'm not a man of many words. The words I give come off cue cards and my writers aren't here."

 I looked down at him and sighed. He looked up at me. He sighed and looked into my eyes.  I looked away. I don't like confrontation or emotional speeches. I can't hold eye contact when emotions are involved. Jimmy grabbed my hand. "Breckyn, look at me." I looked back at him. "Just, forget about the panic you are feeling right now. I know you don't like this kind of stuff. It makes you feel edgy. It makes you feel like running out of this room but I just need you to focus on me. Look into my eyes. Listen to my words." I looked into his eyes. "Breathe, Breckyn. Breathe and listen to these words." I took a deep breath and so did Jimmy. He let out a breath and began: