Bad Luck or Fate?

Chapter 75

"Do you want to shoot some more pictures or no?" I asked curiously as I let my fingers fall from Jimmy's ribcage and glide along his lower abdomen, just above his jeans. I felt him pull back from my touch slightly as my finger grazed the v cut on his left hip. Jimmy's breathing hitched and he shuddered under my touch. He tried to pull away before I noticed but it would have noticed even if he had managed to keep his reaction on the inside. Jimmy's words would say one thing but his body has always and will always be his tell. Under my fingertips I felt his body temperature begin to rise, his skin once chilled from the evening air was now flushed and warm to the touch. Jimmy's ears and cheeks turning to a light pink hue. Jimmy's eyes caught mine for a brief moment and that's when I saw it. I saw that familiar look of longing that has spent only fleeting moments in those beautiful golden brown eyes in the last six months. I've been waiting for that look, I've been wishing and hoping and praying for that look and there were a few moments when I thought maybe, just maybe he would let some of his stubborn strength fall to the wayside but with every glimmer of hope he gave me, it quickly vanished as he always found an excuse to walk away or change the subject.

Jimmy looked away quickly and cleared his throat. Another tell of his. Apparently tonight would not be any different than that last six months had gone. "No, I think we've done great and I don't want to ruin it." He set the camera down on the end table next to him and sighed. "I'm going to quit while I'm ahead." He said softly as he turned and put his feet on the ground, sitting on the edge of the bed. He let his head fall for a moment before rubbing his face with both of his hands and looking up at the ceiling. "I think I'll let you get changed and dressed and then go make dinner." He turned his head slightly and I could see his hands resting on his lips in a prayer position. He looked at me sideways and I caught the intensity that was still in his eyes as he spoke. "Thank you for this, Breckyn. I loved every single minute of it and... your outfits.." he paused slightly, closing his eyes as if in thought. "..were simply stunning and phenomenal." He motioned back with his finger without looking back at me. "Especially this one. Just.." He sighed again, bringing his hand to his chest, touching his left pec. "I love you so much." He brought his hand down. He did his lapel tap and he wasn't even wearing a lapel. I wonder if he is even aware when he does it now? "Thank you for trusting me and opening yourself up to me. Letting me in. It really means more than you could possibly know to me. I..." He turned and looked at me and I swear in that moment it was as if his eyes were piercing into mine, unleashing all the urges and lighting a fire within me that I would have a hard time trying to control on my best day. He stopped, putting his hand to his lips again, slightly pulling on the bottom one, clenching his eyes shut for a moment. What? What was bothering him so much that he couldn't speak without stopping to compose himself. He turned completely away from me and sat there in silence for one minute. Then two. Then three minutes. He whimpered softly under his breath. "I just really needed this. So thank you." With that, he let his hands fall to his knees with a slap and stood, turning to walk away.

Why is he doing this to me again? He cant just light a fire in my soul and leave me here to extinguish it time and time again or before too long I was going to be nothing but a pile of ashes. I, for one, was tired of feeling the fire burning through my veins without any relief. Before I knew it or even realized what was happening, I had a hold of his forearm. "Wait." I said softly. I felt Jimmy's body go rigid and heard him let a trembling breath fall from his lips. I softened my grip on his forearm and caressed his skin. "Wait. J. Look at me." Jimmy looked straight ahead for a moment before slowly turning on his heel and facing me. I felt a shot go straight to my heart as he raised his gorgeous yet agonized eyes to mine. Suddenly, I was very aware of the subtle yet extremely powerful effect that Jimmy had on me. I felt the sheet fall out of my hands, leaving me exposed in front of him once more but now, that was the point. I saw his adam's apple rise and fall as he swallowed hard. I held his gaze and it was almost painful the way he was watching me as I slid my arm down his until I had a hold of his hand. I could have sworn in this moment he could read what I was thinking and that he knew just exactly what I was longing for. His eyes never left mine as I sat up in bed, revealing a little more to him as I leaned forward. I could feel the heat from his body and the smoldering look in his eyes as I leaned forward towards his chest was enough to turn me into a desperate, frustrated mess. Jimmy moved slightly and his scent filled my lungs as I took a breath in. That was it for me. I was at the point of no return.