I took the rest of the blow
If I am going be alright I am going to be alright because I know how it usually goes I know how it usually goes
The words repeat in my head over and over again
When my eyes are close take me too the light
I took the rest of the blow
If I am going be alright I am going to be alright because I know how it usually goes I know how it usually goes
Then queue my son crying
"Why are you crying"
I yell at him
He may only be months old but he his crying stresses me out
He cries more
I get up from the ground and walk to his crib
The chubby green-eyed baby cries
"Shut up"
I yell
He quit for a minute then starts to cry more
"I can't stand you"
I leave the room slamming the door I can't stand him he looks too much like his father
Then these words appear in my head
Then thought of you drives you insane you had me holding onto moments
I go to the living room placing a pillow on my head
Just go to sleep
I close my eyes making turning the crying into white noise
I get a flashback instead of a dream
I hold my baby boy rocking him smiling at him till the door opens roughly I look over to see my baby father walking past me to the room
I follow him to see him packing
"Where are you going"
"Away from you"
"Why"
"I cheated on you"
"You what"
"You heard me"
He says getting his bag and walking out
Slamming the door
I look down at my baby and place him in his crib and run outside
To see a car accident around the corner
I rush over to my baby then I rush the scene
Red and blue lights fill the sky and the sirens of the ambulances fill my ear
8 hours later he's pronounced dead
I shake my head and rush over to my crying baby
"Sorry I don't mean to yell at you"
I say rocking him
"You just look so much like him"
I lay in bed thinking hey can you help me with something
then queue my son running into my room
"Mama mama"
His green eye priced into mine as I turn around
"Mmh"
"Today my birthday"
"Yes how old are you"
"5"
"Congrats"
"Now I am older tell me"
"What"
"Where my daddy"
"Gone away dead"
"What really my daddy dead "
"Yes"
"But I never meet him"
"When you were a baby you did"
"But I don't remember"
I get up and tap my bed
He climbs up onto my bed and lays on me
"What he looks like"
"He looks like you"
He stares down at himself
"Me"
"Yes"
"Woah"
"Any more question"
"What we do for my birthday"
"What do you want to do"
He just shrugs his shoulder and my grad a pillow and hit him
"How do you not know"
He rubs his arm and sniffles
"I don't know mommy"
Then back away from me
"How about we go somewhere to eat"
"Okay"
He hops off and runs away
I don't know why he does that like he scared of me maybe he just a chicken or something but then again I was never scared of my mom I don't know what I did can you tell me
