I breathe the air in deep
"Mommy what are doing I wanna go play"
My son tugs my pants
I look down and his brown eyes looking up at me smiling
I smile back
"Okay okay"
He drops his hands and runs to the playground and I slowly follow behind him
I sit down at the bench my son watches me then runs over to play with some children
I relax in the bench watching my son
"Mommy"
My son says climbing on to the branch
"Yes.."
My friend is going home there mommies say it gonna rain"
"Oh-kay"
"We going home yet mommy"
"No, we are going to spend the night here again"
My son cuddles next to me
"I miss having a home"
"I know I do too but we'll find one soon"
Lie
My son stays with me as the parents leave and we head in a tub structure of the playground an area where it won't get wet night but it still sadly be cold
I lay our blanket in the bottom I sit on top
My son sits upon my lap and I cuddle him a blanket
Once my son falls it still rains but we can't be here forever
I wrap my son in a blanket and carry him I wrap him with both blankets so he can be extra warm
As I carry my son and my burden against the rain across the park into town where I began to walk to all of the shelters across town they fill it raining it a busy night they said they can manage to find room for my mom but not me I can't be apart from him he the only memory of my life before
I sit under a cafe door under an awning away from the rain
As I stare into the rain
"Mommy" screams into my ear it hurts I close my eye knowing all I will see is my daughter, my oldest child, and husband. All dead staring at me as blood from there head pours down there body the bones in there body crushed to powder there was much life stolen that night not just my family but the other family involved they lost a father
It was his fault why should i care about his family he the one that drunk he the one that didn't see the red light he was the one that was going 100 mph he was the crashed into my car a car that was following the rules of the road green light go red light stop I was going that not the other driver
It could've been the other car not mine the one behind or froth it could be been them I was the one that a minute late getting ready I was the one that made us leave late we were late if were even by a second no one of this would happen at least not to my family
Why was it only me and my son to live I love him with all my heart I am glad he survived but I guess I am selfish for even wanting at least one more to survive
My son wiggles in my cuddle he probably cold it's my fault he can't be happy now I just need to get over it I can't I just can't
I lay my head back on the window of the cafe I should probably sleep now
"Sleep well my loves"
