Still You (ZhengKun)

[15] Payback Time

Zhengting made up his mind. He won’t wait for Xukun anymore because he’ll be the one to go to him. He’s waiting for the elevator and he’s nervous, he wants to say so many things to Xukun. When the elevator’s door opened, he was shocked to see the man who just got out from there, it’s Wenjun.

“W-Wenjun..” Zhengting says, almost a whisper. “What are you doing here?”

Wenjun just gave him the sweetest smile he could give, the sweetest smile he wish that could make Zhengting come back to him, the last sweetest smile. He didn’t answer his question, he just tapped Zhengting’s head. “Be happy.” He said as he left. Zhengting is left clueless. Why is he there? He didn’y dare to look back and just enter the elevator.

When he reached Xukun’s office, he heaved out a deep sigh before he knocks on the door three times. “The door is open.” Xukun said from the inside of his office and Zhengting come in.

“What are you doing here?” Xukun asks coldly, without looking at him and still sitting and reading something on his table. “I’m here t-to talk to you..” Zhengting responded.

“About?”

“Us,” Zhengting says. “Y-you disappeared right after that night. I made up my mind, Xukun. I will come back to you.” after saying this, Xukun looked at him for three seconds then he smirked. “Well, I’m sorry to say but I don’t want it anymore.”

“W-What do you mean? Didn’t you say you want me back? Didn’t you say you still love me?”

“I did, but I also told you I won’t stop until you say you love me, right? That night, you said it. So, I’ll stop already.”

“What the fuck? Xukun, what is this?” Zhengting walks towards him. “Did you just play with me?”

Xukun stands. “I don’t get hurt for free, Zhengting,” He says. “It’s payback time.” He put both of his hands in his pocket and faced the window of his office.

“What do you mean? F-fuck. Xukun, are you kidding me?” Zhengting is confused. “Did you just… oh my God.” He placed his palms on his face.

“Don’t act like that, Zhengting. It’s not like you didn’t hurt me,” He turned around to face him. “you didn’t know how hurt I was. You didn’t.”

“But Xukun..”

“Shut up. You know, I once wished that if I could have the chance to hurt you the way you hurt me, I will.. I know this sounds so selfish but yes, I wished that, so I did it.” Xukun says without hesitation. Zhengting is speechless, he couldn”t believe Xukun would do that. That Xukun did that.

“When I got back here, that’s already my plan. Making you fall for me again and leave that asshole, Wenjun. And after, I’ll stop and leave you too. But did you know that I almost… almost stopped doing that. I hate to admit it but I really missed you, your smile, your laugh, your kiss. I missed everything that was supposed to be mine. I almost changed my mind.”

“T-Then why? Why did you still.. hurt me?” Zhengting’s voixe cracks as tears stream down his face.

“Because I can’t, Zhengting. I hate it when my heart still skips a beat whenever I see you, I hate that I’m here, still inlove with you,” Xukun looked up to stop his tears from falling down. “And to think that you could still do the same mistake, I can’t go back to you anymore. I realized that it was exhausting to love you, Zhengting. The truth is, these past two years, I never stopped loving you.. until now. But it’s just that I can’t anymore. Two years ago, I felt like it’s so hard without you, but when I came back, I realized it’s worse with you.”

Zhengting is hurt with all the things that Xukun is saying. But he can’t deny that he deserves it, he deserves to be hurt because he’s the one who hurts him first. “Zhengting, I don’t hate you.. The only thing I hate is how much I loved you.”

Zhengting walks towards Xukun and as he reaches him, he hugged him. “I’m so sorry, Xukun. I know I’m exhausting to love, but please don’t do this. I’m already here, I’m here for you.”

“I’m tired, Zhengting. This is the best way. I’m so tired of loving you the way I do. I did this because it’s best move on if I know you hate me for hurting you. The saddest part here is that we both know we could’ve make it work, but we couldn’t now. And I know you’re sorry, but that won’t change what you did and whaf I feel now. You didn’t just cheated on me. You cheated on us and broke it.” Xukun removed Zhengting’s hug.

“Nothing hurts more that being hurt and disappointed by the one who you thought would never hurt you, right?” Xukun smirked. “Now you feel me. But still, this is also my fault. I gave you the power to destroy me.”

“Xukun, please.. Let’s just start over again, it’s never too late. I will make it better this time.”

“No, Zhengting. This is it. I’m done with this, with you, with us. I already did what I wanted to do, now it’s time to cut the cord. I don’t want to love you anymore, because doing it hurts.” Xukun says as he looked straight to Zhengting’s eyes. “Just leave and don’t bother to see me ever again. That’s the best for both of us.”

Zhengting couldn’t stop his tears. Xukun really hurt him and he knows to himself that he can’t get mad. But he guess, Xukun is right. This is the best way for both of them, the best way not to hurt each other ever again, the best way to move on.

“Xukun, right when you came back, I realized i never really stopped loving you. I know that fucks up knowing that I’m with Wenjun but that’s the truth. I know I’m hard to love. I know I made a mistake and I’m so sorry.. but I guess you’re right. Alk the things you just said were right. It’s time to let go and to cut this off, but remember that a part of me will always be in love with you.” Zhengting wipes his own tears. “If I didn’t hurt you in the first place, this won’t happen. And I know this is not the thing you want to hear anymore but for the last time I want to say I love you, thank you and I’m sorry.” Zhengting looked down as he say those words. He’s wishing he could turn back time. He’s wishing Xukun could open his heart for him again, but he knows it won’t happen anymore.

“Enough. Stop this and leave.” Xukun sais as he turns his back from Zhengting.

“I know. I will leave. I hope we see each other again in the future, smiling at each other.” Those were Zhengting’s last words to him. And as Zhengting got out of his office, Xukun whisperes to himself.

“You’re wrong, Zhengting. That’s what exaxtly ehat I wanted to hear. Your I love you.” He said as he closed his eyes and his tears escaped.