Still You (ZhengKun)

[17] Wenjun's POV

I decided to just go back to Thailand and start again there and I’m on my way to Airport. I guess that would help me move on.

2 years ago when Zhengting and I had a mistake, but just like what I said to him, it was the best mistake I’ve ever done. He was the best mistake. Everything we had between us these past 2 years was magical and those were probably the best times of my life.. but now, I have to make the best times of my life without him anymore.

That time when I came back from Thailand and saw Xukun and Zhengting together, I knew it. I’ve seen it coming, the end of us. Am I such a fucking dumb coward to think that? Maybe yes. I know the one Zhengting really loves was not me. It’s Xukun and will always be Xukun. But still I tried, I did everything to make him stay with me but then I realized I lost already. The truth is, I never won. Zhengting was never mine.

I ignored Xukun and focused on Zhengting only. I held him tight, as tight as I could but it seems like there’s no more sense in holding on when he wants to hold somebody else already. But who am I to be angry? This is my karma. Xukun is right. This was the feeling he had.

That night when he moaned Xukun’s name, on our Anniversary, in my house, while I’m holding him, kissing him.. that’s the time that I finally realized I should stop holding on. I wanted to shout at Zhengting, to be mad at him, but I just couldn’t. I was too hurt to do that. I just made him leave because I didn’t know what to do. I think carefully, am I ready to give him back to Xulun or I’ll fight for him? How do you say goodbye if your heart still wants to hold on?

The thought of me losing him terrified me so much so I decided to chase him. I followed him to his house, but all I saw was him, making love with the true love of his life. That’s it, the confirmation I needed. That should be enough for me to accept my defeat though I lost already at the very beginning.

I didn’t contact him for a week to think what I should say, what I should do, what should I act in front him. I’ve decided. I’ll bring him back to Xukun. My heart jumped and broke into pieces at the same time when I saw you again after what happened. I wanted to kiss your lips and say, “Just stay with me, Zhengting. I will make you happy forever.” but I know deep in my heart, you won’t find the real happiness with me. So all I could say that time was ‘I miss you’. It’s true, I miss you so much. I miss every little thing about you, I miss being with you, I miss us.

But it’s time to let go. I’ve said everything I needed to say and cut the ties between us. That moment of losing you.. Oh, no. I can’t lose what I never had. At the very beginning, he was Xukun’s. I can’t keep him what’s not mine anymore and I can’t hold on to something that doesn’t want to stay. And when you say thank you when I’m about to leave, my already broken heart breaks even more.

Now, I just have to accept it already. Besides, I was the one who should not be between them. I know it’s over and it never really began, but I how I wish I could say to Zhengting that for me, in my heart, it was real. So real. One thing is for sure, if Xukun hurts him, I’m taking him back. I would do everything. I swear. I’m always ready to fight for him.

While driving, I opened my Weibo to check Zhengting’s profile for the last time. He hasn’t updated yet. Though it hurts, I’m expecting something good between them. I checked Xukun’s profile then I furrowed my brows when I saw his update 5 minutes ago. He’s about to leave the country? And it says for good? And he’s alone? What the fuck? What happened?

I can’t let this go. I turned my car back, I will go to Xukun. What the fuck did just happen? Is he leaving Zhengting? I drove as fast as I can when suddenly I can’t stop my car. Shit. What’s happening? Why is the break not working?!

*beeeeeep beeeeeeep*