If I say I miss you, will you come back? (Completed)

Chapter 15: The day I lost the one I love

Okay...it's time.

Dear journal...

I spent the next few weeks under medical care. Turns out I was much worse than I thought. Some minor burns (oh look history repeats), severe dehydration, several bruises, few cuts and scratches, extreme exhaustion, exposure to dark magic, some of the black liquid remained in my lungs (which prevented quick heal). My parents nearly killed me when they discovered what happened. Then they really tried to kill me with their bear hugs.

Star visited me every day, bringing me flowers, chocolate. So many things actually it was kind of suffocating but sweet. But I never could bring up Saint O's. She would freeze up and pretended she didn't hear me, ignoring it until I changed the subject.

I was being stupid. I knew she didn't want to talk about yet. It was too soon.

In reality I was hoping to talk about Felix, my guilt growing each day. I tried my best to ignore it or convince myself he was evil far before whatever possessed him came into his world. But the truth I wasn't so sure. He haunted me every night, appearing my room, staring at me with void eye sockets, far star-like lights deep within as black oily blood ran down his cheeks. I remember feeling like I couldn't breath as he reached for me with his skeleton hands as shadows began to close on me, slowly ready to consume me.

I often woke up in a cold sweat, wildly trying to fend off an attacker that no longer breathed. After a week I just stop sleeping, just stayed awake as long as I could until the doctors began secretly drugging my food allowing me to have dreamless sleep.

But I never felt at ease, rested. I felt like the dark being was watching me from the shadows, planning his next move to take Star away from me and I was helpless, trapped resting when I should've been with her.

I remember how horrible I felt whenever I saw Marco, guilt tugging at me as the doctor listed off his extensive injuries, each far worse than the next. I...I knew Marco needed to talk about what happened, about Felix and what happened to him but I couldn't. Saint Olga's instilled a powerful fear in me, a terrifying idea, concept that wouldn't leave me along as the days went on. I tried to bury my guilt at hurting my best friend with countless gifts, flowers, treats.

I should've embraced, held him, thanked him for everything he did...

but I was scared.

I was scared he was becoming bitter towards me like everyone else had been growing up. I feared this was the thing that finally convinced him I was no good, I was just a horrible princess and that I wasn't worth all the trouble I caused him. Mewberty, the first night I met Oskar, when Felix managed to trick me with that stupid necklace.

I was scared to lose my best friend, the only person in the entire universe who...who even remotely liked me for me.

And of course I was scared about being a puppet. I mean...I mean if Marco hadn't had come, I would've been the perfect princess. The one everyone always wanted. They wouldn't have cared the old Star was gone, just another amazing case from Saint Olga's.

I like being me. I loved how I am...the idea of not being that...it was too much for me. I began running from my problems, I couldn't face reality and I retreated inward. Anything that threatened to shatter my delusion I just ignored and pushed away...like Marco.

The royal council asked me about Felix. I told him I fought him but before I could bring him in, the fire caught up to us and I was forced to leave him behind.

They believed Felix to be dead but they didn't believe me that was all that happened. The cuts that covered my body were not human. There was a dark liquid in my lungs that could not be removed by any type of magic. The amount of damage to my body could not have been done from single sword to sword combat.