Rejected, Humiliated and Broken (BxB)

Ch 3 Part 6

SUFFOCATE - HAYD

Randy's POV:

I took a deep breath and sighed, in a desperate attempt to calm myself. The situation was unsettling and needed to be dealt with carefully. He couldn't afford to make a mistake, neither of them could for the fate of the pack lay in the balance.

"We may need each other luna but remember that I have been on my own for many years. Neither of you were there for me when I needed you most and I'm honestly not sure if I can trust you. This pack needs good leaders if it's to ever function as a unit again and I'm not sure if I should or even could lead them," I breathed out as I took in each and every single one of them. It felt weird having their attention on me that wasn't there to witness my torture. The only time the teenagers ever noticed me was when I was being bullied.

"No," I continued, "I do not want to lead such a pack, a pack that bullies its own and rejoices in their suffering while the elders, luna and alpha were clueless to such things going on in their pack. I do not belong here, this pack stopped being my home a long time ago."

The stench of guilt in the room was suffocating, the government could bottle it up and use it, it would work much better than sarin gas, it was that toxic. The pack also looked exhausted, not just physically but emotionally too, it seems the situation was taking out of them as much as it was me and I immediately felt guilty.

"Randy..." the luna began, "let us help you, let us fix you." Her voice wobbled as she spoke and tears were streaming down her face, as luna she could feel the packs emotion through the bond which made me wonder why she could never feel my pain.

"I do not think the same people who broke you can be the ones to fix you," I quipped, a little tightly than I had planned to.

My curiosity and pain got the better of me, "How is it that as luna, you could never feel my pain through the bond, also considering that we spoke on numerous occasions?"

She titled her head to the side and studied me with a sad smile, "You said it yourself Randy, the pack stopped being your home a long time ago. You detached yourself from the pack, meaning you severed the pack bond, I would have only felt it if you had broken the bond completely. During the earlier years, I could feel your pain and I was always there for you, making sure I was near you as much as possible to give you comfort. You have always been a private person and I knew that you would only pull away if I asked you so I comforted you the only way I could, hoping you would come to me when you were ready. Unfortunately the time never came and when I stopped feeling your pain, I assumed that you had worked things out. I should have done more, persisted even after I could no longer feel your pain and I deeply apologise."

Her words threw me and thinking back, I realise that all she said was true. She was always near me when I felt don and it had helped a little, I was just too stuck in my own suffering to notice. Shame filled me when I realised that I blamed her for my own mistake. It is easy to see the flaws in others and their transgressions against us but it isn't as easy to see our own flaws or the roles we play in those transgressions.