Stay Together For The Kids - Michael Clifford Fanfiction

Help.

After Michael has calmed down, we go back inside the house.
I've put the kettle on, and Michael sits on the couch, staring blankly in front of him.
He has finished crying, apparently he couldn't cry anymore. Neither could I.
I'm trying to read him, to know what he's thinking, like I used to. But I look at him and realise I know nothing about him anymore. I feel like crying again.
I turn away, pouring us both a coffee. I sit down across from him, placing the coffee on the table between us.
"Thanks." He murmurs, picking up the coffee and looking somewhat relaxed.
He doesn't say anything more for a while, but just watches his coffee cup. I remember all the long night talks we used to have, and we would talk about the world and everything we ever wanted to achieve. We would sit and drink coffee, and Michael would swirl his coffee, always watching it intently. I always joked that he believed he saw the future in the coffee. I used to ask him what he saw in the future. He used to say me.
"I can't lose her, Lily." He says, using my name in a tone he knows I hate.
"You won't." I say quickly.
Michael scoffs.
"I've lost you, but I'm not going to lose her."
He still won't look at me, and I find myself silently begging for him to look at me. To show me his eyes, show me what he truly felt.
"Michael," I begin, not knowing what to say to comfort him, but knowing what I have to say. "I don't want you to stop being a father. I will never want that."
Michael nods, and I take that as a positive reaction.
"Part of me doesn't even want you to stop being a husband."
Michael's eyes finally find mine, and for a second I believe that it's six years ago. Back when we first met, when our eyes would meet, and everything would feel ok amongst the chaos.
But reality pulls me back to the ground and I know that I have to keep fighting on, as much as I might want to live in the past.
"But you need help first." I say firmly.
I see a flash of hurt in Michael's eyes.
"With what?" He asks, his voice sounding dangerous.
It's now my turn to scoff.
"With the anger, the drinking."
Michael looks away from me, pouting like a child.
"With the band." I say quietly.
Michael turns sharply to me, looking hurt.
"This isn't about the band." He says, his voice rising slightly.
"No it's not. It's about Ruby."
Michael's expression softens, and I know I've won this round.
"Ok." He says softly.
"Ok, what?"
"I'll get help." He nods.
I look at him for a second, wondering where he ever went wrong. I still remembered the 18 year old boy I fell in love with. If I looked hard enough, sometimes I still saw him.
"Good. I don't want to see you waste away, Michael. You're something too special for that."
I avoid his gaze, but I know he is watching me intently. Out of the the corner of my eye, I feel like I can see his heart breaking. I definitely can feel mine.