Stay Together For The Kids - Michael Clifford Fanfiction

Work.

The next morning I feel horrible. I don't want to move. I don't want to see people, I don't want to listen to anyone. I don't want to deal with anyone anymore.

I remember agreeing to go to a dinner tonight. I try to think of a good excuse to not go.

As I roll back over to try and get some sleep I know I won't get, I hear a small cry from the other side of the room.

I immediately am up, and standing on the side of the cot.

Ruby is whimpering in her sleep. She looks distressed, and it scares me. She used to have such restless sleeps when she was a newborn, and I always put it down to her being just a baby. But nothing could deny that every time Michael and I argued, she would start crying in her sleep. Ruby hadn't cried in her sleep since we had left Michael's. Now I worry that it wasn't Michael that made her cry. Maybe it was me.

I can't help but start to cry, listening to my daughter wriggle and cry restlessly in her sleep. My hand is gently rubbing her stomach, but it doesn't seem to work.

I gently nudge her, and she wakes slowly. Her whimpering has quietened down, and she reaches up for me with her eyes half closed.

I pick her up and hold her. I stifle my own tears, shushing her back to sleep. Ruby seems to be awake now, as she rubs her eyes and frowns at me.

"Mummy sad." She says, touching my tears lightly.

It's a simple gesture, but it makes me realise how much I wouldn't change my life for anything. There maybe tough times ahead, but as long as I had her by my side, I was invincible. Maybe I had to be strong for her, but maybe she was also the strength for me.

So I decide I have to go tonight. For her. For me. For us. Mum had work tonight, so she couldn't look after Ruby. Which left me with an option that I was very hesitant about.

"Karen?" I ask, as Michael's mother answers her phone. I'm pacing around the living room, not wanting to have this conversation.

"Lily?" She asks, surprised.

"Hi, how are you?" I breathe, quickly. I'm nervous to speak to her. I haven't spoken to her since I left Michael. Does she hate me?

"Fine, fine. You?" She asks. She sounds busy. I'm starting to stress that this wasn't a good idea.

"Fine." I lie. "I was actually wondering if you could look after Ruby tonight?" I cringe as I ask her. This was a bad idea.

She hesitates, and I wonder whether she really does hate me now.

"That's fine, but Michael will be coming over tonight."

I freeze. I don't want to see Michael. And I'm worried about how he would react to his mother looking after his son.

"That's fine, at least that means he can spend time with her."

Karen just murmurs.

"I have to go, just come over whenever you can this afternoon."

I hang up the phone and smile at Ruby. She is smiling up at me from the ground, with her head cocked to the side. Like she is wondering why I look so worried. I pick her up, reassuring her from something she probably doesn't even realise. I can't lose her.

I walk cautiously up to the front door of Karen's house. I take a deep breath before knocking on the door.

I stay waiting on the doorstep, holding my breath until I hear the turning of the door knob.

I was worried before that she would hate me, angry at me for leaving her son. Instead, she welcomes me with open arms.

"Gosh I have missed you two." She says, hugging Ruby and I.