I still don't want to admit that I have feelings for him, it feels so wrong, it feels like I made something bad and I am feeling guilty for what I did and I have to admit that it is something bad, I should never be falling for him, I should never have feelings for him and I shouldn't feel guilty for the way I talked to him in the school hallway and my bedroom. But still, I feel like I want to go and tell him that I accept his apology and that I am not mad at him and this is what my heart is telling me but my brain is telling me that I should stand my ground and that I shouldn't be guilty of what I said and that it's nothing.
But I can't help but think about his words 'fine you wanna see the change you'll see change' what in 7 hells did he mean by that and when I told him that I wanted him to change I didn't think that he will listen to me, and I also couldn't stop thinking about him staring at me at lunch, god I feel so stupid right now and I feel like if I saw him I will beat the shit out of him but at the same time a voice inside of me is telling me that if I saw him I will kiss him and god I don't know what I should do, I can't tell Judy because I know that she will keep yelling at me and telling me how can I have feelings for him, he is my bully and that he has been bullying for 4 years and blah blah blah. And in situations like this, there is only one person I can talk to who is going to help me through this confusion and tell me what to do. I knocked on the bedroom door when I heard the word "come in ", so I opened the door and got in.
"Hey Cameron, are you busy or can I talk to you for a little bit?" I said, and I know that all of you would have expected me to talk to my mother but she will keep telling me that I have to have feelings for him because he is going to be my husband and blah blah blah, so in these situations, I talk to Cameron and to be honest with you, he is the only person aside from Judy who understand me inside out, god I feel so lucky for having him in my life I couldn't ask for more, anyways back to the point.
"No I am not busy, what's wrong?" he asked and I really could feel the concern in his voice and I don't know why it's not like I have been crying or something, I walked into the bedroom and passed the mirror and when I looked at my reflection I could see that my mascara was smudged all over my face and to be honest I looked scary and I had the thought of going back to my room and wash my face but then I shrugged that thought off like come on he is my brother in the end.
"Of course you were there the day the Puths were here, so there is something I haven't told you about and it has been going for a long time and I think it's time I tell you about it," I said.
"What's going on?" he said and I could see that he is starting to get worried, god how am I supposed to tell him, he is going to murder Charlie if he knew, goddamn it Elena just tell him, how bad could it get.
"Well, I don't know how to say this ..." I said.
"Elena I am starting to get worried and you know that I lose my temper very fast so what is going on?" he said starting to get worried, and I had to tell him sooner or later, so here comes nothing.
"Charlie has been bullying me," I said and trust me the room got quiet that I could hear our heartbeats and if you saw Cameron's expression you would've run out not from the room but the house itself.
"How long has he been bullying you??" he said clearly angry.
"Umm, he ... ,for.." I was stuttering, I didn't want to say that he has been bullying me for 4 years because I was scared of him.
"GODDAMN IT ELENA HOW LONG??" he yelled.
"4 years, he has been bullying me for 4 years, he started in freshman year." I finally said.
"4 years and you never told me, are you out of your mind!!" he said, a little calm this time.
"Well it was hard for me to tell you because I knew that this would be you reaction Cameron and how in the hell did you expect me to tell you, it was a lot for me to take in and you probably know that, plus I need you to be calm because I didn't come here to tell you that he is bullying me and back in freshman year I thought that he would realize that what he is doing is wrong and that he is going to apologize to me but I guess he is so so goddamn stupid because it literary took him 4 years to apologize," I said getting angry because he really should be calm for what I am about to tell him.
"And he apologized so it's not that big of a deal," I said
"So you're defending him now are you crazy!" he said, actually more of exclaimed or shouted at me.
"Cameron, look, he apologized to me yesterday at lunch and no I am not defending him because I literary kicked his as by telling him that he shouldn't have been doing this but the is not the point and also he came into my room yesterday through my balcony and apologized again and told me that he will change because earlier that morning I told him that I can never trust him because he has been bullying me and I told him if he wants me to trust him then he should change and when he came in my room yesterday he told me fine you wanna see the change you'll see change . Cameron he is going to change for me and I have to admit that I am starting to develop feelings for him and I know that you are going to tell me that I shouldn't be having feelings for him but it is what it is and trust me I already feel guilty for having feelings for him because I know that it's not right," I said and I kinda felt the weight getting off my shoulders, I just needed to tell someone, that's all.
"Look El you are my little sister and I don't want to see you get hurt and you know that I will do everything in my power to protect you but I can't just stand there seeing you get hurt and not do anything about it, it just doesn't feel right." He said as he got up a hugged me so hard and for the first time, I know that there are still some good people in the world and that Cameron deserves everything good.
"I know Cam I know but please promise me that you won't do anything that you will regret please," I said.
"I won't I promise," he said.
Charlie's POV:
God I feel so stupid for bullying her she did nothing to me and I feel guilty for what I was doing, and why do I want to change for her like really, and that when it hit me I was starting to have feelings for her god. Now I realize how beautiful she is.
My thoughts were cut by the doorbell and since I was alone in the house I had to go downstairs and open the door goddamn I am so lazy. I opened the door only to be received by a punch in my face.
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I wanted to update today, so here you go guys, chapter 6.
Oh and btw I have a Facebook page called confession diary, I have mentioned it before in an A/N, and if you guys opened it you will see the page with the profile and the cover photo and I really would appreciate it if you guys liked it and thank you so much for your support anyways I hope you enjoy the chapter. It's edited you guys, sorry if there were more grammatical mistakes, you can just write them down in the comments!
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Lots of love
Evie xx
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Unwillingly married: A brute start
Fanfiction#hatred #love #romance #fights #bullying
