Valorous (Book Three)

Chapter: 10

DAY: 122

Lark

A month ago I woke up in a cold sweat, panting like I had woken from a bad dream. But I hadn't. I had slept fine. I stood up from where I had sat up from leaning against the wall, using it to anchor myself as my legs began to wake up.

I felt sick, terribly sick. I didn't need an Aether antidote shot, not for another week or so. So what was wrong? My stomach lurched and I darted out from the hallway running into the nearest bathroom I could find. Just so happened to be a women bathroom. Thank goodness. I pushed open the door to one of the stalls and made it just before I blew my top.

I sat there beside the toilet, heaving and coughing for a few minutes before it stopped.

"Lark?" I jumped at the sudden voice, I recognized it as Natasha's. "You okay?"

I flushed the toilet, sitting back against the wall and opening the stall door. Natasha stood there looking at me.

"I'm good, thanks for asking." I said to her.

She walked over and sat down across from me, resting her elbows on her knees. "Well you look like crap." she told me.

"Thanks." I rolled my eyes at her. I was sweating, it felt like I was sitting in an oven.

"Can I ask a question? You can hit me afterwards." she asked.

"I'm tempted to say yes." I said.

"Have you been throwing up often? Felt tired? Depressed? Hungry?" she asked. "Did you miss your period?"

I hit her arm. "No! Why would you even ask me that?"

She rubbed her arm, "I'm just concerned, that's all. So have you?"

"I already told you, no, I haven't." I told her again.

She gave me a look and I just gave her one back.

"Think really hard, think back for a month or a few weeks. And tell the truth!" she said to me. "I know when you're lying. Besides, I know when you and Bucky get together anyway."

I hit her arm again, but not as hard, and rolled my eyes.

I leaned my head back against the wall and thought back for a week.

"Well?" she asked me, sitting forward.

"It's a few days late." I answered her, her eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth like she was going to squeal or laugh. "But that's normal, it's never on schedule!" I said, trying to keep my voice down.

"Lark, I'd be careful." she told me, a hint of a laugh in the way she talked. "Just in case. Though it could just be that you're sick from something you ate. We could get Banner to check for you."

"No! I don't want anyone to find out about this!" I told her. "Please don't say a word about this to anyone, not even Bucky or Banner. You do, I swear I'll shove your ass down the sewage drain."

"Okay, okay. I'll keep my lips sealed." she pretended to seal her lips and throw away the key. I rolled my eyes and stood up, stepping over her, she followed. I pushed up my sleeves and washed my hands, rinsing out my mouth. I was actually kind of surprised that the water was even still running in that place.

"When did you guys last. . . . you know. . ." she made a gesture and I rolled my eyes.

"Couple days ago." I answered her truthfully. She just nodded. I dried my hands off on my pants and walked out.

"I'm only concerned about you, Lark." she told me as we both walked away from the bathroom.

"I know, Natasha. And sometimes it's appreciated." I told her.

"You can tell me anything, I don't break promises." she added.

I nodded to her. "I know. And believe me, if there was something wrong, you'd be the first person to know about it. That, I can promise you."

I woke up, it was raining and the thunder was rolling above in a calamity. Natasha was laid out on one of the cots across from mine, staring at the crummy ceiling above us.

"You know, if you're so sure then you need to tell someone about it." she said. I sat up, slowly.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her. Natasha rolled over onto her side and leaned up against her elbow, then she gave me a look and raised a brow. "Oh." I ran a hand over my hair, feeling how short it was and how much it was odd to me. I was so used to long hair, the short hair was almost new. "Right, that thing."

"I told you I keep my promises, but I can only do that until it becomes a health issue." she assured me. I nodded to her and took a deep breath to calm myself down, I hadn't realized how tense I was."I sent for Banner, though he was supposed to be here a week ago to help with your burns. He should be arriving soon, Hill is dropping him off, so maybe an hour." she told me.

"Why on earth would you have Banner come here? It'll only draw more attention that I already have. I don't want that." I said. "I don't need him here."

"Yes you do, Lark." I jumped, turning to see Bucky was standing in the doorway, his arms folded over his chest, hair loose around his face, darkening his eye. Though he looked almost angry and frustrated, just the way he stood there made me wonder if he knew something.

"Bucky, hey. What's up?" Natasha said. I could tell that she was trying to ease the tension in the room somewhat.

"Banner can help make sure that we're treating your burns and wounds correctly, that and maybe help you out with your depression." he said as he leaned against the door way.

"I'm not depressed." I said, I rested my elbows against my knees gently.

"Um, yes you are." Natasha said. "You're barley eating, you don't talk much and you just lay there when technically you should be walking around and trying to get back 'good 'ol Lark' again."

"Have you ever been burned this badly, Natasha? Do you know what it's like waking up and realizing your body is horribly scarred?"

"You're stressed, another good reason that Banner's coming. You need help, and this isn't debateable." Bucky said. I almost wanted to just ignore him. But for some reason I just couldn't. Bucky turned and left, leaving the room in complete silence. Bucky was mad at me, I could tell. Watching him walk away from me, angry at me, it didn't feel right, it hurt me in one of the worst possible way.

Natasha left soon after Bucky did, telling me that she would go talk to him. But she didn't come back. I was left alone.

And it was alone where I cried and felt torn to pieces. Part of me wanted to collapse into a pile, the other was screaming from the pain of the burns all over my body. I didn't know what to do with myself, or if there was anything I could do with the way I was.

I felt like a child, like a helpless victim who didn't have the strength or courage to stand up anymore. I wasn't intentionally trying to push people away, it was just something I was used to doing. Ever since I could remember I pushed people away. Dates, friends, family. Everyone. I couldn't keep a single person around me for too long before I would snap or they'd feel it was time to leave. It hurt, ultimately, which is why I was always off on my own. That's why I lived alone, secluded in a shack on the beach. No one cared that I disappeared from their lives, no one was bothered by it. But I've always been bothered, always been troubled by being alone.

Now, I'm almost terrified.