Valorous (Book Three)

Chapter: 21

DAY: 168

Winter Soldier

Lark went missing a few hours ago and I'd been pacing the floor thinking of where she could have gone. Especially when a storm had been swelling throughout that morning. The storm hit its peak more than two hours ago and things had significantly gotten quieter. I kept staring out the window, hoping I'd see her ride back up to the house or at least walking back; but I think seeing her walk back would have given me a heart attack. 

"I can't keep waiting. She's probably stuck somewhere." 

"I'm with you, that kid's gotta be tied up or trapped." Logan grunted as he stood from the kitchen chair. "I'll stay here if you two want to go out looking, just in case she comes back."

"Where do you think she would go?" Steve chimed in, perking up when I grabbed the keys to the truck from the counter. 

"I don't know. This isn't like her to run off." I shook my head and headed for the door.

"Start praying she wasn't compelled by anyone to leave." Logan wasn't any good at keep spirits high. "Sooner you get on that road the better. Hopefully you can find her. I'll keep a close eye out and see if I can't get a hit on her."

"Maybe you should come with us." I suggested. 

"No, you have to be the one to find her. Poor kid doesn't need me shouting at her for disappearing right out of the gate. Get going, go."

"Right." With a jerk of my chin, Steve followed me outside and climbed into the cab of the truck.

"You think she would have just kept on driving?"

"No, she'd be smart enough to take cover somewhere. She may be a little reckless but she's not an idiot." The engine roared to life and I tore out of the driveway, speeding off down the road towards the town.

The crossroads were blocked by a large fallen oak, so we had to find a detour. We had to start in a direction, on the left the road straight towards a strip mall and the other just led on towards the highway. The smarter hunch told me to head to the strip mall, thinking maybe she'd gone there to nab something from one of the stores.

I peeled around the fallen tree and made a u-turn through the muck back onto the road, speeding off towards the mall on the back road. Thin trees stripped of leaves and most top tiering branches lined either side of the gravel road, some were snapped in two and others were completely tipped over. Damn the winds were stronger than I thought.

"Bucky." I looked over from the window and Steve smacked my arm.

"What?" I asked him. Steve gestured to the windshield and I looked up, screeching to a halt.

In the middle of the road was a body.

"Oh my God." I said allowed. I opened the door and jumped out, running straight towards the it. Steve ran behind me. I had to skid to a stop, landing on my knees next to the body. It was Lark. Her eyes were closed, her clothes were bloody and covered in dirt.

I held her face, wiping the blood away from her cheeks. I pressed my hand to her neck, feeling for a pulse but. . . .

"No no no. Lark, come on. Open your eyes." I shook her shoulder, "Come on, it's me."

"Shit." Steve's breathing was jagged and loud, she sniffled and knelt down on the other side of her.

"Lark. . . don't leave me. . ." I choked back the tears that burned my eyes and the lump that squeezed my throat from catching a breath. Her face was bloody, dirty, pale. It wasn't her, it wasn't my Lark. I couldn't feel her presence or feel her warmth no matter how tightly I gripped her hand in mine. I wanted to see rosy cheeks and bright eyes, and to hear her laugh and tell me I'm gullible. 

"Who would do this? Why?" Steve brushed away some of the grime from her forehead. He already knew the answer, it wasn't worth me repeating.

"She's gone. . ." I tried to remain calm, to keep myself contained but my chest was ripped open and my heart was taken. Nothing but darkness surrounded Lark; there was only death and cold. 

Steve sat back and wiped his eyes. I reached over and lifted her body into my arms, holding her as tight as I could, crying into the crook of her neck. She didn't smell the same, didn't feel the same. When I pulled away I caught my breath, realizing I'd been holding it so tightly. 

"We should bury her." Steve muttered, stumbling up to his feet. "She deserves a funeral."

"I need to clean her up." I wiped my eyes and fought back another wave of tears. 

At the house, I carried Lark inside, passing a stunned Logan who just gawked and fumbled to find words. Steve took take of talking to him.

I carried Lark back to the bedroom, laying her on the bed gently. My mind was clouded, so I don't remember undressing her and going into the bathroom for a wet rag to clean her up. I do remember sitting on the bed beside her body and gently dabbing at the blood on her face and cleaning up the wounds she'd sustained. 

She'd put up a fight, her palms were torn and shredded and her knees were bruised black. I imagined she scrambled across the road, trying to fight to survive but her attacker was too strong. There was a gash on her leg and a deep puncture wound under her left breast. 

My hand stopped at her belly, as the soft bump that no longer carried life. . . our child was dead too. . .

The rage and pain I felt when I realized that was incomparable to anything I'd felt in my life. I lost the love of my life and the life that'd come from that love. That time, I didn't stop the tears or the ugly blubbering sounds I made out of sadness. I couldn't stand it, the darkness was creeping back in and the light had died out with her. She was my other half and her dead body laid right beside me in the same place I held her not hours before.

Pulling myself back together long enough to clean her up was no easy task, and it wasn't any easier when I sifted through the clothes in the dresser for something to put back on her. I didn't want to bury her in the clothes she'd died in but she was wearing my hoodie. My hoodie, her favorite. I found a clean t-shirt and a pair of loose pants that I believed once belong to the previous house owner. They didn't fit right but I had no other option. 

"Bucky." Steve knocked on the door as I zipped up my hoodie over her chest and sat down on the bed. Logan stood in the shadows behind him, both enter slowly. Steve's face was red, his eyes were puffy and sad. I'd only ever seen him look like that one other time in his life and that was the day he buried his mom.

I got to my feet and grabbed him, giving him the hug I knew he was looking for. "I'm so sorry."

"Me too." I nodded and pulled free. 

My head wandered to a dark place, filled with haunting memories of Lark. All of the memories I had of her came back, bursting through a mental dam and flooding all my senses.  A hole formed where they once made me happy, a spot where they'd once given me purpose to live. But Lark was dead. . . our child was dead and there was only an empty void left. There were no words for me to express to anyone, my own brain couldn't form me to tell myself the emotion I felt; everything failed me. 

I failed Lark when I could have protected her and kept her safe. I could have stayed with her to keep her at the house and she would have never left in the first place. I could have followed her, but Steve told me to leave her alone to give her time. I waited too long, maybe if I'd left right after the storm I could have stopped her death. But there was no changing any of it.

Whoever's there listening. . . take it away. Please, please take it away. Let me be numb and unfeeling, I can't go on with this ache. Please remove it.