Valorous (Book Three)

Chapter: 12

DAY: 123

Lark

What the hell was I going to do? How the hell was this going to fix anything? It was only going to make life worse, make me miserable. It wasn't smart, it wasn't safe. I was endangering myself further, and everyone around me as well. I was so screwed. So absolutely fucking screwed.

"Alright, I'm getting someone down here to help me out." Banner said. I snapped out of it just as Banner stood up. I grabbed his arm, moving to stop him going any further.

"No! Don't. Please." I begged him.

"Lark I have to get somebody." he told me, looking at me in defeat. "How about Steve?"

"No, please don't get Steve. He'll make it worse..."

"Nat?" He suggested, taking off his glasses, rubbing at his temple. "How about Natasha?"

I nodded, letting go and sitting back. "I think she knows already."

"Then I'll go get her, maybe she can help you figure this all out." Banner turned and left quickly, I heard his footfall hurrying off. 

What would everyone say? What would Bucky do? He'd probably throw me into the river, or shoot my shoulder again...he wasn't violent with me normally, but would he do it? Would he hurt me in anger?

"I got Natasha." Banner walked in, Natasha trailed in behind him. "She does know, and no one else has been told anything."

"He's telling the truth." Natasha assured me. She sat down on the cot beside me wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry, Lark. We're going to get through this together. You're not going to be alone."

"But what do I do? About all of this. The Aether. . . the 'you know what'." I asked. "I can't hide it forever from anyone, people will get nosy and they'll try to talk and spread something."

"What we first need to establish is who the father is." Natasha said. "Do you know?"

"It's Bucky," I told her, "Definitely Bucky."

Natasha looked at me and then looked at Banner, he shrugged and huffed; "I trust her to know who it is. I don't want to start any debate about it."

I let out a huge breath and leaned my arms against my knees. Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. I shut my eyes. Natasha rubbed my back and I stood up, quickly moving away. I knew she was thinking about something, I knew that both of them had something they wanted to say to me.

Tears streamed down my cheeks, wiping one away only led to another. "What's Bucky going to say to me? What will he do?" I turned to Natasha, wrapping my arms around myself, feeling cold and empty then.

"I'm sure he'd be surprised, as most people would be." She walked over and pulled me into a tight hug, rubbing my back. When she pulled away her eyes met mine with the most serious of gazes. "But gripping onto the fact that it's Bucky, who knows. He's not himself."

"What do you mean he's not himself?" Banner asked. "Lark I thought you said he hadn't hurt you."

"Bucky recently had another one of his little 'Winter Soldier episodes', only this time we were able to stop it before it got out of control and before he hurt anyone. But his behavior now is similar to what his actions were a few days ago. We're keeping an eye on him." Natasha told him, turning to face him, but keeping me in her arms.

"But when do we tell him? When he's in a better mood? We don't know when that'll be, we don't know if there is a better mood with him. I haven't seen him in a while, I don't even know if he'd want to see me at all." I said.

"Of course he'd want to see you, why wouldn't he?" Banner said.

There was silence, and I looked at Natasha before pulling myself free so I could sit down and get off my shaking feet. Each breath seemed to catch in my throat, forcing me to take in large amounts of air just to feel like my lungs were working at all. My nose dribbled and tears wouldn't stop running.

"You're not alone." Natasha told me softly, kneeling down in front of me, giving my better shoulder a squeeze.

Natasha and Banner gave me time to be alone, to let me think over everything that was burning into my brain. I needed that time and I was grateful for it. I needed to think, to consider my options and think about what my future would look like, even think about the future if I was alone doing all of it. I know I'd have Natasha still, but losing Bucky would break apart all the love I had still in my heart.