LISA | Van McCann - COMPLETED

Paraffin

"I just can't wait to get out of Llandudno. I just want to leave." I deeply sighed as me and Van walked along the beach, his hand in mine as he gently swung them to the movement that we walked.

"I know exactly what you mean." Van replied with a forceful smile, pressing his lips to his cheeks, making dimples appear.

"It's ok for you. You've got the band." I turned my head to my left to look up at him. I could see that he knew I was right.

"What about you? You've got me." He replied. Feeling his hand tighten around mine it made me go all warm inside, I knew he genuinely cared despite the argument we had which was now several months ago. Things have just been hard, leaving school and finding out that my parents had left the earth. My head fell to the floor and I remained silent. I did have Van, just temporarily.

"I don't though...do I?" I spoke finally after making a decision. I had now broken the silence between us. The waves crashing against each other, the evening growing to a close, the sky turning all shades of oranges and reds.

"What? You do? I'm here aren't I?" He tried to lighten the conversation by pulling me close to him, followed with a nervous chuckle, unsure of how I was going to react.

"I just..in the future.." I hesitated not wanting myself to become flustered. Maybe in another world me and Van would meet again but now I just don't think it's working for us. For me. I mean, I don't know..my head's a mess I can't even think straight anymore. Having the ones you love ripped away from you hurts.

"Lisa, I don't..I don't get what you're trying to say?" He now stopped me in my tracks, he turned himself to face me and looked me in the eyes, making my eyes trace marks in the sand to avoid his gaze.

"Lisa?" He repeated my name to make me engage in the conversation again. I lifted my head and saw his eyes sternly look at me. He wanted an answer.

"I don't know Van." I shrugged letting out a sigh, feeling my bare feet bury themselves into the sand.

"I don't.." he sighed not quite understanding what I was trying to say, "are you wanting to end this?"

I moved my gaze to show it was partly true, not wanting to admit it. Some part of me wanted to say yes but another part of me wanted to say no and stay.

"So that's it? You're ending it?" He scoffed, now folding his arms. By the tone of his voice, I knew it hurt him. It wasn't my intention, I didn't want to do it. It all just fell into place, that I'm just not ready..for all of this, what me and Van have. I don't know.

"I don't want to.." I began, making Van furrow his eye brows in confusion. "I just need to?"

"Need to?" He took a step back thinking about what I said.

"Van..-" I sighed beginning to apologise before he took me in close to his body, his arms wrapped tightly around mine.

"I'm not gonna just fuckin' just leave it all now." He mumbled softly. "Ok? I'm saying no. No. I'm not letting you." I felt his embrace tighten, definitely not letting me go, his arms then fell to my hands, holding them both, making my eyes rise to his.

"I'm saying no. Ok?" He whispered, our foreheads meeting, making our noses touch.

"Ok." I timidly nodded with a faint smile, feeling tears build up. Van saw them brimming on my waterline and gently placed his hand to my face, his thumb stroking my cheek. I took a deep sigh and smiled, my hand placed to Van's, he linked them and placed a kiss to my lips before his arms wrapped themselves around me again.

"I'm here for you Lisa. I know it's hard but me, my parents and the boys are here for you." He said almost as a whisper, his head burrowing into my neck. His cold nose and cheeks against my skin, his arms holding me close to him. We hugged for what seemed like eternity before he let go and I could see his eyes were slightly red from tears brimming in his eyes.

"Let's get out of here." He chuckled in embarrassment before holding out his hand waiting for me to accept it. I took it with a faint smile and we began walking back to his.

It had been three months since I had lost my parents, they both died during a crash on their way back from work. The impact of the other car crashing into them is what did it. My dad was always a careful driver, always making sure that we were buckled in before setting off, always checking his mirrors. Only if it had been 30 seconds before, they would've been here.

I had been keeping my feelings hidden for some time. It was the first time I had seen him cry in front of me, it was something we would move on from. I was still living in my parents house, well, my house now, just not officially - Van's parents took me under their wing and treat me like a daughter of theirs.

"That's the good thing about us Lisa." Van took a deep inhale before letting it out with a dramatic pause, leading me to look up at him to see him grinning. "We'll always have trust. I've never had that with someone."

"I'm glad I've got you." I smiled, I could feel my eyes going all puffy from crying, my nose and cheeks red from the Llandudno wind biting at my cheeks.

"I'm glad we've got each other." My comment made him shyly grin.

"To say you've got this big ego, I didn't know you had it in you to cry McCann." I joked, briefly touching my head to his shoulder. I heard a chuckle and I knew that he had a sensitive side that I hardly got to see.

"Well what can I say big d-" Van began to tell a joke him and Larry exchanged at the pub a few weeks ago about their penis size and comparing it to their heart size.

"Van!" I laughed with a gasp, lightly swatting his chest. "Shh!"

"Ok. Ok! You know what I'm sayin'." He chuckled rolling his eyes a more real smile to his lips. Hand in hand, we walked back to his, sand between my toes, now in my shoes.

The sky grew black and stars faintly appeared, dotting themselves around the moon, we eventually made it back to his house. We was greeted by Bernie and Mary who were just ready to go out to work their night shifts, before we took off our shoes and went upstairs and got into bed. Van's arms holding me tight against his body, mind wrapped around his figure, we laid like that until we fell asleep. It was weird the connection me and Van had, we knew each other's boundaries as if we were best friends. Trust? That's what it's called. We've established that and I think that's important for us to say we've been broken in the past. We know that "I love you" means so much more when we say it, we know how much we both do love each other.