LISA | Van McCann - COMPLETED

Masochist

I woke up.
Feeling empty inside.
It was quiet, as if nothing could fill the sound.
The sound of nothing burning my ears,
How the light peeping through the curtains blinded by eyes.

I rose my body from the sheets, sitting on the edge, my feet lightly brushing against the carpet beneath my feet. Soft. Hard. Like me. I sat, my mind running on nothing. Empty.
The soles of my feet now resting against the woven wool, scratching in the crevasses in my skin, it was cold. I made my way around the bed, where the white sheets full of doubt and regret laid. My hand gripped the railing, reassuring myself, I was alone. Not a breath could be heard. My fingers gently let my hand glide across the railing, patched with grey paint. The shade failed to grab my attention, leading myself into the bedroom what was now Issy's.
The white pristine walls held so many memories that I could not bring back. I wish I could bring them back. I turned, now facing the bathroom. The only place where I could find solitude, be alone. But now I don't need that anymore, I'm alone for now, just as it should be.
My feet took me down the stairs, each step feeling rough against each toe of mine, my eyes wondering down the white painted walls, where the pictures no longer remained. Memories that are gone, but will never be forgotten. From when my mum helped me with my tie on the first day of school, to the last, where she wiped the remaining of milk from my  top lip. My feet landed to the bottom of the stairs, the light cascading through the frosted glass on the front door. A door closes, another one opens. Another one after another one, but only if you're a risk taker. Are you willing enough to take it, grip it with your hand until your fingers turn purple. Can you hold onto it long enough, with all of your might until you've got no energy to even shed one glance on what's on the other side? Well, I need to, but I don't. I remain on the inside, not wanting to expose myself to the outside world. I let my hand trace the walls of where pictures of my parents used to hang, from when they met as teenagers, grew up to be serious lovers, now they're in peace together. It's funny how if you want something so badly, it'll just become easier if you adjust? That's how my mum and dad fell for each other. My mum's kindness fell for my dad's old soul, just like my mum fell into his arms on their wedding day as they danced the night away, looking beautiful as anything I had ever seen. I need this hole gone.

I made my way back up to my bed, hitting the sheets to feel reality hit again. But still the silence remained which made think, I've got think positively of them, yes they've gone but I will never forget them and how they raised to to be independent..well, that's questionable. I closed my eyes for what seemed eternity until I was woken up by Issy.

"Liissaa!" She called. It just struck me that the boys, even Issy's was not here. The front door slammed, shaking the house. I heard her step into my bedroom and lay on my bed. "You asleep?"

"Hm-hmmm." I nodded, turning my head to face towards the sound of her voice, my eyes remaining closed.

"You alright? You look a bit..dead?" She commented, knowing fine well I'd react, and I did, I swatted my hand with no effort what so effort, making her laugh, falling on top of me so her head rested sideways to my chest and her body was curled up next to me, he arms around my figure.

"Lisa." Issy spoke as I place my hand over her shoulders to hold her close.

"Hm-Hmm?" I replied.

"Did you look after John Junior whilst I was over at Bondy's..well Van's?" She asked, just another random thought her brain had come up with.

"Uh.." I thought about it, the answer obviously no but I couldn't say that, "Uh, yeah. I did." I nodded and I felt her laugh against me.