Pen Beneath The Bush

Smash Brothers Nativity

In the mythical kingdom of Hyrule lived a young man dressed in green. His name was Link, and he was engaged to Princess Zelda. He was guarding the palace walls when he heard a strange woman's voice echo across the fields, calling out his name. Link followed the light coming towards the tallest tree where a shining goddess with green hair tumbled down from the sky.

"Who are you?" Link asked.

"I am Palutena," the goddess cried out. "You must be Link: The virgin hero. I have wonderful news for you."

Link was blinded by Palutena's dazzling gold lights as he covered his eyes, but her voice echoed as if she was breathing right next to him. "What is this news you bring?"

"You and Zelda have been chosen to be the parents of a great new hero. She shall be born on a dark but mystical Christmas morning. You must name her Bayonetta!"

"But it's Christmas Eve!" Link reminded Palutena. "And I am a virgin, how could I possibly be her father?"

"Because you are the chosen one," Palutena replied with a smile on her face. "When Bayonetta is born, the whole world shall celebrate. I shall invite three evil kings and workers of this world to celebrate the birth of Bayonetta: the greatest witch of all time!"

Zelda's overnight pregnancy made the world kingdom's mind explode. The whole kindgom were concerned that Hyrule was at great peril once again, but Link had calmed the crowds down and said that it was all Goddess Palutena's doing. Zelda and Link quickly married after Goddess Palutena's visit and Baby Bayonetta was born just as Palutena's prophecy described. Hyrule had thrown a huge celebration for the birth of a new princess with magical powers.

While Mayor Lucina was putting herself to bed, Goddess Palutena appeared before her. At first, Lucina was weary and aimed her sword at the goddess. Then Palutena said, "Do not be afraid, you and your friends have been invited to a wonderful party to celebrate the birth of a new princess of Hyrule."

"New princess?" Lucina asked as she lowered her sword. "I didn't know Zelda was pregnant."

"Nevermind," Palutena giggled. "Wake up all your friends and follow the pokemon to Hyrule Castle where you shall see the new princess."

Lucina had no idea what had just happened to her, but she woke up Ike, Roy, Robin, Nana, Popo, Olimar and her secretary, Isabelle to follow the roaming pokemon over to Hyrule Castle where they saw the beautiful baby Bayonetta wrapped in silk and showered her with gifts. When Palutena announced that the three evil kings were coming, the partying stopped. Suddenly everyone was afraid, and then Palutena appeared once again.

"They shall be purified!" Palutena announced.

Pitt, one of Palutena's angels nudged her on the shoulder and asked her, "Palutena, do you know what you're doing?"

"Yes," Palutena replied. "Now go back to singing."

"You know I can't sing!" Pit roared.

When King Ganondorf, King Dedede and King Bowser marched into Hyrule Kingdom before the baby Bayonetta, all eyes were fixated at the treasure chests they were both carrying. Each chest contained an assortment of gifts for the new princess. Inside King Dedede's chest was a pair of shoes with two guns attached to them. King Bowser's chest also contained a gun with rainbow woven wings. King Ganondorf's chest contained another gun, but also a pair of glasses. Just as Palutena had promised, the three evil kings were purified and were eating, drinking and dancing along with the rest of the gang while the angels sang hymns for Bayonetta.