Marbles (studxstud)

Chap 5: Homebody.

It was the weekend and I was feeling like shit. I hate the fact that my mood can turn to shit with no extra help. I didn't want to live and I didn't want to be staring up at the ceiling wondering why my mind was telling me that I'm worthless. Am I worthless? I had class to go to this evening but I didn't feel like going. I'll just ask them to email me the notes.

Cam has been messaging me all morning and I'm afraid that she might start calling if I don't answer her soon.

I talked a little bit too soon because my phone started ringing. I decided to let it ring out and if she called three times then I'd answer the third time.

She called again and I waited on the phone to stop ringing. Maybe I need to go work out. There was a gym near by that I had a membership with, walking distance from my home.

All of my bad memories and thoughts just kept rummaging through my mind and tears were falling from my eyes one at a time. My phone was silent for a while before it started to ring again. This was the third time so I answered.

"Hello?"
"Hey why aren't you answering my texts?"
"My bad, just a little busy."
"You don't sound too good."
"Nah I'm fine. Just some allergies."
"Need someone to take care of you?" I thought about that for awhile and then I decided against it, I couldn't have her seeing me like this.
"You don't know where I live though."
"Send your location and I'll come through."
"It's fine. Look, I'm not in the mood to talk right now so I'll talk to you whenever."

I disconnected the call and went to my cabinet to get my mood stabilizers. I saw some pain killers beside the bottle and I stared long and hard on them. Should I? I couldn't kill myself right now, what the hell was I thinking? I took the bottle and emptied them out over the sink watching them scramble down the drain. Shit, I hope I don't feel any type of pain for now. I laughed and took my mood stabilizers to the kitchen.

I got some water and took the pills. I wished these worked immediately like my anxiety pill does. They take awhile to kick in so I did what I do best, I grabbed a blanket and laid up in my couch watching tv. I signed into Netflix so that I could continue watching The Adventures of Merlin. It was just starting to get good and I was almost at season three.

The sun was setting and it made the place glow. These are the little things I enjoyed about life. I got up to make some cereal and to refill Molly's water bowl. I went back to sit on the couch and Molly came beside me. She fell asleep with her head on my lap while I continued to watch Merlin.

The next day I decided to get up and go to the gym. It was early which meant no crowd. I packed my bag and I walked the distance to the gym. I spent a good two and a half hours trying to make up for last weekend when I skipped.

After leaving the gym I decided to call Cam to find out how she was doing and to apologize for yesterday. She didn't pick up the first time I called so I tried again and still no answer. I decided to send her a text to be on the safe side.

Me: hey I'm sorry about yesterday okay? Just that I was busy dealing with some stuff. Answer your phone so we can talk. I'll try calling you again later on.

I read the text five times before I finally hit send. If I read it a sixth time then I would've deleted it and shut my phone off to prevent her from getting in contact with me. Why am I such a loser? Sigh, I wish I wasn't this fucked up.

I made my way back home so that I could get started on dinner. I wasn't sure what I wanted but I had to eat. My phone started ringing and I saw that Mona was calling so I answered.

"Hey pops! You okay? You have company tonight?"
"Nah Mo."
"Let me come over and cook you dinner."
"Aiite, come through."