"I'm Fine" ☠ l.h

Courtney

30 days

I jump out of my skin when my alarm goes off and annoyingly can't find my phone in my bed to shut it up.

"Where the fuck is it" I mutter, flapping my sheets about - trying to spot it.

After hearing a loud thump I decide that I have found it and in result of my sheet-flapping it has hit the wall on the left of my bed.

I slide my hand down the side and feel around for it, finally grabbing it I pull my arm back up and get caught at the elbow

"Fuck"

I yank and try to get my arm free but fail

That bloody alarm is still blaring from my phone

I bend my arm and pass my phone up to my left hand and manage to turn off the wretched noise.

I try to free my arm again, twisting so it is in another position but still fail

After thinking for five minutes I come up with a fantastic plan and turn so my back is against the wall and my feet against my bed then push so my bed moves away and at last freeing my arm.

I automatically move over to my pill box and realise I was meant to take them half an hour ago

I guess my alarm took longer to wake me because it was muffled by the duvet.

I can't take them late. But I don't think I need them any more

I'm better

Well I certainly feel better because I'm not sad 24/7 and my boyfriend has cancer so I'm entitled to the sadness currently coursing through my veins.

I skip the meds and go straight to the kitchen for some food. I'm not hungry but I promised Luke that I would eat everyday before I saw him in hospital, so I grab a banana from the fruit bowl and quickly eat it whilst looking through my phone.

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29.8 days

I walk past reception and head straight for the stairs up to Luke's ward.

After visiting for three days now I know where to go on my own. I don't need help from anyone

I knock and poke my head round the door once I get to Luke's room

He is still asleep with pale skin and tubes sticking out of his arms

I'm used to the sight now but he is getting paler and his hair fairer

"Hey" a croak comes from the bed and I jump out of my day dream

"Hi!" I smile and walk to his side giving his a kiss

"How are you?" He asks

He is always so concerned for others before himself

I suck in a breath "I'm fine"

I have stopped asking how he is because he can't lie and it pains me to hear about his pain.

"What did you do last night then?" He turns his head to get a better view of me

"Watched a couple films, thought of you" I kissed him again

He didn't let me pull away too early

When I did come away though where my hand hand gone through his hair, his beautiful blond hair, it had come out in chunks in my hands

My eyes widened and I looked up at his head and couldn't help but laugh, it was better than tears.

He shoved my shoulder "it's meant to happen I've had chemotherapy! My hair is going to fall out, you've just speeded up the process"

"Sorry" I look down but instantly feel his fingers on my chin pulling my face up

"Don't be" he grinned "it was going to happen anyway plus it was worth it. I'm glad my hair's death was from you running your hands through it as we romantically kissed in the hospital"

We both burst out laughing

"I love you"

"I'll always love you"