"I'm Fine" ☠ l.h

Courtney

16 days

I look down at my hands and see some of the hair I kept that day at the hospital when it started to fall out.

Blonde and long, for a boy.

I try to imagine it styled into his usual quiff and I want to hold onto the memory forever

I want to hold on to all of them forever

For I never want to forget him

And I never will.

"Hair" I hold it up and see the artificial street lamp, coming in through the window, peep through the fine embers.

I drop it and watch the wisps fall to the floor and scatter in a small pile away from the centre of the fall

The shock of the fall

I bend down to retrieve them and my own hair falls in front of my face. My brown, curly, annoying as fuck hair that's too long and holds too many memories

Next thing I know I'm in the bathroom with a pair of scissors and an inch of my hair is fluttering into the sink

"For thinking I knew what love was with Mark"

I cut another jagged inch

"For my first heart break"

I cut another inch

"When Luke died"

Tears are streaming down my face and I look in the mirror at my bad haircut and decide it's time for a change

•••••

15.7 days

I take my hair down and look at the new look in the mirror

Blonde like Luke's and now 'permanently' straightened

The salon called it that but nothing lasts forever

I have to go back in a month when it'll start to go natural again

Coffee cools

Cigarettes burn out

Songs end

And people die...

Cigarettes sound fantastic right now

I remind myself of Luke when he was addicted to smoking and drugs and shit.

I won't go down that road

I might peek down it but only go so far so that I can still look over my shoulder and see some light coming from down the metaphorical street.

Down the boulevard of broken dreams

Yep cigarettes sound amazing right now.

Just a short stroll,

No more.