"I'm Fine" ☠ l.h

Courtney

20 days

He died today.

At 17:06, just under an hour before visiting time for the evening started.

Now I'm sad 24/7 and my throat is dry and feels like a snooker ball has been shoved down it but gotten stuck halfway, my eyes sting but no tears will come out any more for I have cried, I have cried everything from me but I can't stop sobbing. That's another thing that hurts, my heart. It feels like my chest is closing in on itself and crushing my arteries, suffocating me.

My heart feels broken.

00:00 -> midnight

...19 days

•••••

18 days

Today is Luke's funeral.

I look in the mirror at the girl in front of me. Luke would've laughed that I was going to a funeral and said how great it was that I didn't need to buy any new clothes because everything I owned was black.

I smiled at the 'memory'

•••••

17.8 days

It was my turn to go up to the casket and say my words for Luke.

My hands shook.

I couldn't look in it not yet or I'd realise it was true, I couldn't convince myself I'll wake up in a minute - just let me speak first.

I cleared my throat.

"For those of you that do not know me I'm Luke's fiancé. Sorry was Luke's fiancé."

I blink back some tears and look down at my prompt paper

"He wouldn't let me marry him as a dying man for he didn't want me to be a widow." I smiled and a couple tears ran down my face "Sorry you're all going to have to bear with me"

I got many comforting smiles from the small audience urging me to go on

"I loved your blonde hair and the way you styled it even though you always had one piece out of place.

I loved your blue eyes and the way they used to sparkle when you were happy.

I loved your perfectly, pink, plump lips and the way you used to bite the bottom one out of habit and how you'd twiddle with your lip ring when your nervous or just to show off.

I loved your small spatter of spots across your face because it was a perfect imperfection of you. I loved your god damn eyebrows!"

I smiled at the memory despite the tears free falling down my face

"I loved the way you dressed in black like me and your stupid ripped skinny jeans.

I loved that you were so fucking tall.

I loved the way you could rock a beanie even though I'm still so envious because I still really REALLY can't.

I loved that you sexually frustrated me."

Saying this in front of his family didn't even make me blush I was just laughing through the pain

"But I still do and always will love every aspect about you Luke Hemmings. Present and future tense."

I stepped down from the podium and turned to face the casket, paused then leaned down to kiss his bald head "I love you more than words can tell."

I walked back to my seat and peoples sorrowful gazes followed me until I sat down and the priest stood up again thanking me then droning on.

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A/N

I'm so sorry for disappearing for almost a month but it's summer

And I'm crying rn

Did you like Courtney's speech? It's from an earlier chapter in case you'd forgotten but put into past tense

~ Isabella xxx