A Second Chance // Thorki

Chapter Thirty Five

Thor's quick pace had turned into a full on sprint through the halls, footfalls loud and his pulse louder as blood rushed past his ears, the roar of it drowning out the questions he received in the halls as he raced past more and more people, pushing past random citizens, guards, heimdall, and eventually nurses and healers as he muscled his way past anyone who came near him.

When Loki's door slid open, Thor's huffing and puffing was loud, a sudden wave of a sickeningly sweet aroma hitting him in the face.

Loki was still, quiet. The gentle hum of the various machines was almost inaudible, barely there, unnoticeable unless someone was looking for it. He was blue, though not his normal blue- a paler colour, far paler, cheeks sullen and eyes closed.

He was practically a cadaver; with pale, lifeless skin and what looked like dried blood on his face that had seemingly dripped from his slightly parted blue lips. He was completely limp, his dark, silky hair now messy and curly. His clothing held the same sort of aura, wrinkled and colourless. He looked cold, even for a frostgiant, the shaking breaths coming from him turning to fog in front of his lips. His chest shook with every breath the pulled in, his eyes closed, a blank expression on his well defined face.

Loki's skin was beyond freezing to the touch, even as Thor cupped his cheeks, leaning down to press a desperate, shaky kiss to his forehead.

He turned to his flowers then.

He'd never felt such loathing rage for himself before. In all honesty, Thor almost wanted to cry.

But no. Instead, he grabbed the vase the flowers were in, and started walking.

Past the same people he'd raced by. Down the same hallways he'd just ran through. To the armoury, where Valkyrie was happily polishing a sword off in the corner.

Thor placed the flowers and the vase on a small platform, one with burn marks from past instances. He took a few steps away, sliding behind the machine- very few buttons had to be pressed, before it was warming and shaking under his touch, and-

A flash of light, blinding, and it was gone, nothing left but a charred pile of ashes where the flowers had once sat.

"That's a little extreme," Valkyrie laughed from the corner, though Thor's serious and vengeful glare silenced her. Truth be told, she'd never seen the king so scary. She'd seen him angry, sure, but this- This was a whole new type of loathing.

Pure guilt filled him, tightening his chest and causing his breaths to come quick and shallow, especially so as he started to run again, past the same halls and doors and people, until he just about collapsed into Loki's room, falling into a panting heap at the foot of his bed.

"Thor...?"

The word came hoarse, quiet, barely audible. The man in question fell flat then, taking in gasping, relieved breaths. He was alive. He was awake.

When Thor finally managed to catch his breath, he lifted his head, looking up to him, almost wanting to cry out.

There he was- sitting up in bed, blue and messy and breathing and beautiful, eyes filled with worry as he looked down to him, "Thor? Wha-" he'd meant to continue, though he was cut off by weak coughing.

Thor pulled himself to his feet, stumbling over to him, kneeling on the edge of the bed as he held his shoulders, waiting until he stilled and wiped a bit of blood from his lip with he back of his hand to come forward and wrap his arms around him, squeezing him as tight as he could without fearing he was hurting him.

Both of them were shaking, holding each other as if it would be the last time.

"Thor... are you alright? Did you take the flowers?"

The thunderer said nothing, only nodded, pressing his face into Loki's shoulder. He shuddered with each panting breath.

"It's not your fault." Loki whispered, the words soft and reassuring as he cradled him close, one hand holding the back of his head while the other was around his back.

Thor's words in return came as almost a whimper, yet accusing and almost angry, "It is. I am the one who brought them to you." A moment of small silence as he tried to still his voice, tried to sound stronger, "I am the one to cause you such suffering."

Loki's little body was freezing in his grasp, lithe and long and yet weak and sickly. Still, his touch brought a comforting warmth, despite how cold he actually was. "You had good intentions, Thor... that, is all that matters now. The flowers are gone, and I am feeling better already."

Thor thought he might've been having a heart attack, his chest hurt so bad. A horrible stabbing pain, so bad he could barely breathe. Even while Loki was forgiving him, telling him it wasn't his doing, at least not purposefully- it almost made the pain intensify.

Thor broke, then.

His heaving, panting breaths turned much quieter, though he still shook, wracked with sobs he desperately tried to hide, pressing his face into his shoulder and trying to stay strong, trying to will the tears away.

Loki simply held him. It was all he could do.

His facade went up, despite how much effort it took, and his touch became warm and loving, his head tilting to rest upon Thor's and his arms just as tight around him as they could be. If anything, it caused the king to cry even harder.

"This is shameful," the thunderer finally managed to say, a deep pit of embarrassment right beside the deep pit of guilt in his stomach. The king of Asgard, crying? Crying? It was something that made him feel even worse.

Loki pulled away slow, careful.

He was pale again, skin almost porcelain, and his touch was warm against Thor's cheeks as he cupped the sides of his face, looking to him with a heart that was breaking and pure love and support in his eyes. "Talk to me, Thor... what do you think it's shameful?"

"I... I am crying..." he admitted, words heavy with guilt and shame, a tear sliding down his cheek.

Loki smeared it away with his thumb, looking stern rather suddenly, "Crying is not shameful. Do you understand, Thor? Displaying your emotions shows that you are strong enough to reveal yourself in such a raw state. It shows that you are brave, and worthy, and that you are Aesir, just like everyone else on this ship. With a few exceptions." He smiled softly, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead, pulling back slow, "You did not cause this, Thor. How could you have known that the flowers were the cause of my sufferings?"

Thor met his eyes, still looking rather ashamed of himself, almost like a kicked puppy. "I... I'm sorry, Loki..."

"Don't apologize. Don't." His tone was firm then, and before he could continue, he began to cough, Thor coming forward and handing him a tissue quickly, the jotun happily taking it.

When his body stilled, they looked at each other, before as if on instinct they both came towards each other in an almost desperate embrace.

"I love you," Loki whispered to him, giving him a rather reassuring squeeze, "I'll be alright. Thanks to you, of course."

Thor let out a shaky exhale, before he cleared his throat and said, "I love you too... I'm just glad I realized before I lost you, and not after."

//all the comments I get on Wattpad for this story are so nice but AO3 is like "this story is shitty & ooc" like bitch ik you don't gotta tell me

It makes me fEeel,,,, sad