skirts // ryden

twenty three

Brendon fell slack against his shut locker, leaning his head back against the metal surface. Ryan unblocked him. And even more, he texted Brendon. It truly was a miracle. A grin wandered to Brendon's lips and the teenager didn't want the facial expression to leave.

As per request of Ryan, he wouldn't make a big deal of it. Physically, at least. In his mind, Brendon was doing backflips. There were butterflies in his stomach and stars in his eyes. It seemed as though Ryan still hated Brendon's guts, but he didn't care. Any contact with the boy was euphoric.

But Ryan was sick? He literally never ever got sick. Even more, if he were sick, he'd most likely show up to school anyway for the sake of his perfect attendance. But Ryan just didn't show up. Brendon fumbled his hands around in his jacket pockets, his eyebrows knitting themselves together.

Was he really sick?

Short answer; still yes.

Still lovesick because of Brendon.

Ryan ended up chatting with the barista, Ray, who had noticed his downcast expression and decided to take their break early. It started with:

"Hey, are you alright?"

And Ryan's short reply,

"..No."

So Ray would take a seat in the chair across the table from Ryan. Ryan wouldn't make eye contact, but Ray set their elbows on the tabletop and began to talk to Ryan.

Eventually, Ryan found himself seeking advice from Ray, careless from the sense of comfort the barista had brought to the atmosphere.

"So um...I have this situation..if you don't mind me asking you for advice.."

Ray nodded, curly hair bouncing along with their head moving. They rested their chin in the palms of their hands and averted their full attention to Ryan. Ryan took a breath, preparing himself to ramble about the Brendon situation.

"Uh..there's this guy I know..he goes to my school..and um..He texted me."

Ryan awkwardly laughed.

"I thought he trying to hit on me at first..? Only because a lot of other guys texted me looking for..ya know...a fuck.."

Ray's expression altered at that last remark, how could high schoolers act like that?

"God, that must be awful..I'm actually homeschooled, that's why I'm able to work here full-time..but uh..yeah."

Ryan nodded along to what Ray said, moving on to continue with his own dilemma. Inside, Ryan was somewhat envying Ray; they didn't have to deal with the drama of immature high schoolers.

"Yeah..so, he said he actually didn't want to hit on me, but he just wanted to compliment me for what I wear because I'm...confident? I guess?"

Ryan gestured to his own attire, justifying for what he had just mentioned to Ray.

"So then we texted each other for about a month, a..and..um..we still never spoke in real life.."

Ray looked to still be intently listening, so Ryan continued on with the smallest bit of hesitation.

"And..I..uh..I kinda let him in..He asked to be my friend and I let him..It's kind of a big deal, I guess? Because I only have two other friends...so yeah.."

"What are your friends' names..? Sorry, it's okay if you don't want to tell me.."

Ryan shook his head in a gesture to say that it was alright.

"No no, it's fine. Their names are Gerard and Frank."

Ray's eyes seemed to widen at the sentence for some particular reason.

"Gerard Way and Frank Iero..?"

"Um...ye..yeah! You know them?"

Ray vigorously nodded their head, their hair once again bouncing along with the movement.

"They went to elementary and middle school with me! Ah..the only reason I'm homeschooled is 'cause my parents found out they were gay..So they thought it would 'rub off on me' or whatever. Also because I identify as with they and them pronouns so they think it's because of Gerard and Frank.."

Ray then blinked and shook their head, deciding to hang the topic.

"But uh..this isn't my story, carry on with what you were talking about."

Ray smiled as if they didn't just mention their parents being homophobic. Somewhat lenient in the sense that Ray was allowed to use their preferred pronouns, but still homophobic nonetheless.

"Oh..okay. So then um..the next day, he..he..he fucking confessed to me."

Ryan let his head fall forward until his forehead rested on the tabletop, his still untouched pastry and half-full coffee cup sat discarded beside his head. From where his head lay, Ryan could make out Ray's audible gasp. He didn't need to look up to sense the if not shocked, but startled expression the barista was wearing. Still, Ryan looked up to see Ray and made sure they were ready for Ryan to continue speaking.

"Yeah..anyways. I ended up blocking him and got Gerard and Frank's help about all this and uh..just a little while ago before you walked over..I unblocked him."

Ray seemed to perk up and they sat up even straighter in their seat.

"Well. That's a start, Ryan. Sorry, I actually remembered your name from when you ordered. Um..is that weird? I don't really think so since it wasn't too long ago, but—"

Ray found themselves rambling and they clamped a hand over their mouth before the sentence carried on for too long. They let out an awkward muffled laugh before setting their hand down on the table again. They shook their head a bit.

"But yeah..that's a start. It's best to own up to whatever's the matter rather than avoiding it comepletely. I mean, you technically did that before, but at least you're not now. Um..what's this guy's name?"

Ryan exhaled, coffee still lingering on his breath.

"Brendon. Brendon Urie."

The name felt so foreign to Ryan's senses. He really hadn't said Brendon's name aloud before. It didn't leave a sour taste in his mouth though. It was almost sweet. Like he ate just the right amount of candy, but didn't overdue it enough to get a toothache. Saying that name felt...

right?