skirts // ryden

twenty nine

Ryan thoughtfully paced back and forth by the bus stop, his eyes glued to the converse on his feet. His hands were glued to his backpack straps, a type of glue that could only be removed at the right moment. That moment would come soon, for Ryan awaited the boy he requested to meet with.

His feet slowed to a halt, his military-like walk ceasing. This is when a second pair of shoes appeared in Ryan's vision, the shoes stopping before Ryan, though he could not see who was  there. Of course, Ryan was well aware of who it was. He hesitantly glanced up, pushing his gaze away from the ground, wincing internally as he saw Brendon standing before him.

Ryan raised a shaky hand to wave at him, finally allowing the glue between his backpack and his hand to release him. He still felt far too nervous to speak. If anything, the words from his mouth would simply come out as some form of gibberish.

"Hi Ryan.."

Brendon's tone was shy, but still smooth as silk, making Ryan even more awkward and self-conscious about himself. He tugged at his skirt's waistband, a nervous habit of his. The fabric's elastic hugged his bent thumbs, urging him to say something. Anything.

"I..uh..hey Brendon..."

Brendon cracked the smallest smile at Ryan's shy demeanor, chipping at his already low level of confidence. The action from Brendon caused Ryan's cheeks to flame a red color.

"So, you wanted to talk to me?"

"Ah, y..yeah..I hope it's fine if we take the bus..uh..somewhere.."

Brendon shook his head to reassure Ryan. He wasn't planning on doing anything that day, so might as well take up Ryan's suggestion. It probably would've made it more awkward if Brendon put down his offer, anyway.

"No, it's alright, I don't have anything planned today."

Ryan allowed a sigh to escape from his lips, like a spring of water flowing from a crack in a dam. He went silent, waiting for the oncoming bus. Brendon noticed Ryan's now silent atmosphere and did the same. Where were they going? The coffee shop, of course.

"Hey, Ryan!"

Ray's cheery voice was evident as soon as Ryan pushed open the coffee shop's front door, Brendon trailing behind him. The bell above the doorway let out a ring to signal their entry. The barista soon noticed Brendon and they seemed to immediately understand the situation at hand.

They sent a worried smile in Ryan's direction and Ryan led Brendon to the counter. Ray had a feeling Brendon wouldn't introduce himself, so they began. Ray stuck out their hand in front of Brendon, hoping quietly that he would shake their hand.

"My name's Ray, pleasure to meet you."

Ray threw a friendly smile, making sure Brendon caught it. Brendon eased up a bit, returning Ray's hand gesture with a firm shake.

"I'm Brendon. Nice to meet you, Ray."

Brendon quietly allowed Ryan to order a drink, only chiming in to order one for himself. The two took a seat by a window and Ryan noted that it was the same table he sat at when he skipped school. Still in the phase of awkward silence, Ryan looked out of the glass and he became lost in a cloud of thought. Brendon twiddled his fingers.

"So.."

Ryan's shoulders stiffened, snapping out of his cloud when he realized that Brendon was expecting something from him. His eyes flew up to meet Brendon's and he parted his lips in an attempt to form words.

"Ah shit..sorry, haha..I texted you that I wanted to talk, but I haven't even said anything."

Ryan shook his head, a disappointed look sat on his face. Brendon reached out his hand, setting it on Ryan's arm with hesitation in his action. Ryan flinched under his touch, but he relaxed after a second or two. Brendon then spoke.

"Hey, it's fine. I get that you're shy..don't feel pressured to talk. Take your time, Ryan.."

Ryan shrugged Brendon's hand off of his arm, his eyes moving away from the boy across from him. Ryan managed to secure eye contact with Ray, sending them uncomfortable look. Ray gestured for Ryan to take a deep breath, to which Ryan complied before looking back to Brendon with uncertainty.

"I wanted to talk to you about the night I blocked you.."

Brendon became visibly tense, his posture straightening and his body tightening. He nodded, scared that he would say something stupid if he opened his mouth. Ryan took the nod as a sign to continue.

"I just..panicked. No one has ever liked me or anything and I didn't know what to do so I just decided that I wanted you out of my life.., I guess."

Ryan laughed awkwardly, the noise sounding like music to Brendon's ears.

"Yeah, that was by far the stupidest decision I've ever made.."

Brendon allowed his mouth to fall open.

"Really?"

Ryan nodded, confirming Brendon's disbelief.

"Look Brendon, I really like you..like..a lot. I'm just not ready to have a boyfriend or anything yet..."

"You like..me?"

"Yes! I really like you. You make me smile, you compliment me, you apologize when you think you've done something wrong..you never did anything wrong! I was so scared to unblock you because I thought you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. You're popular, Brendon. Girls flirt with you. Why would you like someone like m-"

"Shut up, Ryan!"

Ryan shrank in his seat, feeling slightly hurt by Brendon's sudden burst.

"Just..shut up..."

Brendon ran his fingers through his hair, taking a breath and looking at Ryan.

"Why would I like you..? You're so talented..you're writing is astounding and you're so humble about it as well. You'd never boast about a perfect score and you blush at compliments to your work. But at the same time, you're confident. Not everyone can pull off an outfit like yours. And you're stunning! You're gorgeous, Ryan! Has that never crossed your mind? And who cares if I'm popular or if girls hit on me, guess what? I'm gay. I don't like girls. I like boys and I like you. You were scared to unblock me? I was terrified when you did unblock me.."

Ryan hung his head, staring at his lap. His tears stung as they began to roll down his cheeks and he was already quivering.

"I'm sorry..I'm sorry..I'm so sorry.."

Brendon leaned over the table and tipped his finger under Ryan's chin, tilting his head up to make eye contact. Brendon wiped Ryan's face with his fingertips and Ryan sat up. Brendon's face drew closer and closer to Ryan's. Brendon's voice became gentle and low and Ryan could feel his breath now.

"Can I..?"

Ryan's heartbeat sped up and he squeezed his eyes shut.

Ryan sharply inhaled,

"Not yet, my dear..soon, but not yet."