skirts // ryden

thirty six

"What are you talking about?"

Brendon frowned, confused as to what his boyfriend was on about. Ryan pulled the ends of his sleeves over his hands, using the sleeves to dry his cheeks of any lingering tear stains.

"Th-that's why I wanted to..to meet you here to talk. Because even though it hasn't been very long, I knew deep down that I couldn't keep this shit from you any longer than I already have.."

Brendon took hold of one of Ryan's hands, intertwining their fingers. He walked Ryan outside of the school building, a cool rush of air hitting Ryan's burning face. The taller boy sighed, the wind calming his nerves a slight bit. The two found and sat on a bench on the school's campus, both silent. Brendon knew that it was best not to push Ryan to say anything, so he simply allowing the boy to sit and think for a bit.

The leaves from the tree nearest to them swayed along with the cool breeze, the wind whistling in Ryan's ears. He fiddled with the hem of his skirt, foot nervously tapping against the smooth ground with a quick, yet steady, pace.

After a agonizingly long few minutes of pondering, Ryan took in a deep breath before turning his head to look at Brendon, who was still patiently waiting.

"Okay, so..I'm going to be completely honest about all of this and I'm just going to get it over with so you should just keep your mouth shut because I need to be able to process my words...Now, only Gerard and Frank know about this. I've known them for so long they just had to know and they were even there when it happened. Even though I've only been aware of your existence for let's say three years, you're my boyfriend and I feel that you're obligated to know this."

Ryan drew in yet another breath, this time, however, it was shallow and shaky. Brendon looked at Ryan with those beautiful chocolate eyes, lips pressed shut in a quiet attempt to allow Ryan to speak without interruption.

"So back in eighth grade, I had just begun to wear the usual clothes that I wear now and it took a long time for many people to stop making fun of me for it. When I continued to wear skirts and they realized that I wouldn't stop, the bullying just slowly ceased on its own. After a few months, I uh...hm...I met a boy."

Ryan shifted his gaze to the ground, not daring to look into Brendon's eyes.

"I thought he was amazing...kind, romantic, protective, good looking....Basically, way too good to be true. For an eighth grader, at least."

Ryan forced his gaze to meet Brendon's and he gave a small, but reassuring smile to the shorter boy.

"He ruined my life, Brendon. He kept me isolated from everyone, even Gerard and Frank who obviously got worried about me when I avoided them. He was protective in the worst way possible..and it hurt. He hurt me when I talked to my friends. Not physically, no..mentally, emotionally. He called me worthless, backstabbing, whatever...Still, I liked him and thought that when we graduated, everything would be fine since everyone he didn't want to see wouldn't be there. I was blinded by whatever the fuck I thought we had. I guess all of my submissive and cooperative behavior wasn't enough for him to keep himself from cheating on me though..."

Ryan swallowed down the lump in his throat, tears pooling again in his eyes. He blinked, letting them fall down his cheeks. His eyes were full of longing as Brendon moved closer to his boyfriend on the bench, pulling him in for a warm hug. Ryan's body quivered as he cried quietly, his voice wavering with every other word spilling from his lips.

"It broke me, Bren. That's what I meant. When we were in the park and you kissed me. When I told you I was broken. This was why. Why I said yes. Why I needed you to fix me even though I tried damn hard to resist that urge. Fuck, Brendon, why do you have to be so perfect?"

Brendon sadly smiled, pressing a kiss to Ryan's cheek, his face warm despite the chilly weather around them.

"I have to say..I'm glad your heart won over your brain, 'cause I can call you mine now. I promise, I will fix you, Ryan. Just give me time. I'll do it. I don't care how long it takes. I'll make you forget all of this. Please, will you let me help you forget?"

Ryan nodded, brown hair messily flying around with his movements and the gusts of wind. Brendon sad smile extended into a lovestruck and cheery one, his childish glee hard to mask. Ryan giggled at the smile, pecking his boyfriend's lips with a small kiss.

"And I'm flattered, really, but I'm nowhere near perfect, sweetheart."

"You are to me."