The Secrets of Us

Chapter 7

Harry's POV:

I wish I could say that the week I spent away from school was peachy. That it wasn't filled with pain and heartache, but saying so would be a lie.

I also wished that I was right when I thought that the first day was to be the worst of them all. I'd cry and hopefully it wouldn't hurt as much the next day and Im not talking about the bruising.

I had laid staring at the roof in the early hours of the morning, I hadn't been able to sleep the night before, my eyes were puffy and sore from all the crying I had done the night before.

When it reached around 6 in the morning I began to cry again when the disturbing feeling of numbness began to ware away.

Feelings of hurt, disappointment, fear, depression filled my mind once again.

The immensity of the way I felt was indescribable.

I just couldn't come to terms with dealing with it. I couldn't even stand being in my own skin, I was so disappointed in myself because after all the things that boy put me through, the way he hurt and taunted me both mentally and physically. I still had such a strong amount of lovely feelings towards him.

It made me feel sick. How could anyone love someone as vile as him? Well me, and that was the point.

After more hours of crying and ignoring my mothers attempts to get me to leave my bedroom. At around 2 in the afternoon I got up and staggered to the bathroom to shower which took me another number of hours because I simply couldn't find the strength to stand to my feet from the shower floor.

I couldn't find the courage to look at myself in the mirror and that was when I remembered the razor under my hairspray bottle.

Without even a hint of hesitation I grabbed it from under the can and pulled up my sleeve.

With three swift moves I felt a rising feeling of relief. It was almost like I was releasing poison from my veins, a poison called Louis Tomlinson.

Louis' POV:

How the hell are you supposed to pretend that everything is peachy when your mind is shifty.

That week was the worst week of my life. Every single day that Harry wasn't at school I felt as though i was under constant heart attack risk.

The first day was definitely the worst.

I couldn't stop thinking about him all day. He continuously entered my thoughts and every time he did I felt that almost painful feeling of guilt over the fact that I had hurt someone I cared about so much just to protect myself.

Simple, selfish acts that I had been playing out my whole life, it was as simple as the fact that I was just a selfish person but through all the confusion of that day I decided that it was time to stop, I couldn't be selfish anymore, not around him.

Despite how bad the week was for me, I had began to discover a few things about myself. Things that I wish I had known sooner.

Harry's POV:

The second day was so much worse. I had two days worth of sleep deprivation and all I did was cry and although I hadn't eaten in days I could not stop puking.

I remember sitting on the bathroom floor for hours, shaking with sweaty palms thinking about all the things I could do to get rid of all the pain.

I eventually made the decision to shower and then stood there for hours in front of a foggy mirror, my wet hair sticking to my face and I counted all the reasons why Louis would never love me.

I had never wanted to die, to disappear off the face of the earth as badly as I did that day.

Louis' POV:

The second day was bad, not as mentally bruising as the first but still bad.

I had skipped three classes and just sat and cried in the bathroom that day, I had never felt like less of a man.

I offend wondered what Harry was doing, wondered if he was crying. What would happen if he had been sitting next to me at the time. I'd give him the biggest hug and Id never let him go if he was.

Every single time Eleanor messaged me that week I felt like punching myself in the face.

Religious life isn't the easiest.

I had starting thinking of what I would do the day Harry decided to come back to school and although I knew roughly what was going to happen I was in no way ready for it.

Harry's POV:

The third and forth day seemed to be blurred into one, filled with yet again more crying and more cuts but I was trying to deal with it. I had started to write in a journal, I filled it with all my thoughts and feelings towards that boy as the hours went by and I couldn't tell whether it was helping me or making me feel worse.

On Saturday night the thought of going back to school was too much for me.

That night I attempted to end it all.

I can't even tell you how disappointed I was when I woke up the next day.

I wasn't ready, I couldn't face him again.