Random•One•Shots

Hey...

Hey, guys. I'm writing a long story for you guys, and I'm so SO sorry that it's taking forever. It's definitely going to be over 2,000 words.

But I'm so sorry that it's taking forever!! I've been really busy with school and chores at home. I haven't really found the time to write.

I honestly don't know when I'll update again. I guess I'll update when I get the story complete.

But... I'm so sorry... I know I say that a lot... it's just part of my nature... idk....

I guess I should tell you the actual reason why I haven't finished it yet. Not finding time is only part of it. But... I haven't finished it mostly because I feel as if I'm not good enough to write quality literature.

I know you guys will be like "your stories are amazing" and all that, but it doesn't really change the fact that I feel like I'm not good enough. Don't get me wrong, your sweet comments like that make me feel good about what I do write. It's just that when I do sit down to write, my mind will shut me down quickly.

I don't do anything I enjoy anymore because of this feeling. I don't do softball anymore. I don't draw anymore, and when I do, I feel like it's crappy and I hate it. I don't sing anymore. I don't write anymore. I'm still in band, but I've been in band for so long that It'll feel weird if I didn't do it anymore. But I hardly do anything anymore because I feel like I'm not good enough. Nothing I ever do is good enough.

I'm having second thoughts about going into the military as well. If I'm not good enough for my "friends" and "family", then what makes me think that I'll be good enough for the military??

It hurts me to know that people don't care about me or my feelings... I do so much for other people, and expect nothing, but friendship, and maybe a shoulder to cry on in return, but I don't even get that. Even my best friend don't care. I can tell her, while crying, that I'm crying. And she'll just say "cool" or "me too" or "same". It hurts....

I don't know why I was even put on this earth in the first place. I don't have reason, nor purpose to be here. I'm a nothing. I'm a nobody in a sea of somebodies who laugh in my face because I'll never be anything. I'm not important to anybody. The only reason my "guardians" keep me around is because of child labor and they claim me on their taxes so they get more money back from the government. My whole life is a scam. They might as well call it "legal embezzlement". I don't even see a penny of my child support. My mother uses it all up for her needs, like cigarettes or alcohol. She says that she's going to use it to pay her bills so they can go back home, and that's all fine and dandy, but the problem is, she doesn't. I don't even live with my mother anymore. I live with my grandparents. So.. you would think that the child support would go to me, right?? Wrong.

But it's whatever. Mom wants to use the money, that is meant for me, to buy her and my sister crap. I don't even care anymore.

And as for my friends.... I'm losing them everyday. I'm now down to 3 friends, Chanie, Desiree, and Sierra. Chanie and Sierra don't live in my town. Sierra used to, but moved away, and I have never met Chanie in my entire life, but isn't it funny how you can never meet a person, but still trust them the most? Desiree lives a few blocks from me, but I don't see her often outside of school.

I'm sorry that I'm bothering you guys...

You probably have better things to do than reading about my crappy life and all of my crappy problems...

I know people won't read this, but... I just needed to get a few things off my chest.... so... if you are reading this, thank you for your time...