You Have My Attention

Fifteen

« Kason's POV »

People advise you not to care so much. If you do, there's the inevitable end result of getting hurt. Of course, I don't listen to people who give me any sort of advice, so I fell in love with Sam.

In the catastrophic ending, she shattered me when she left.

I will never care so much again.

But Clumsy...she's attractive. She has this whole innocent thing going on and she cares and it just— it could drive a man to the brink of insanity. And it's going to if I don't have her. No relationships. No friends with benefits things. Nothing. Just one night of her thriving underneath me.

Of course, Kyra and Justin would have to disappear first, but they'll be leaving in two or three hours. I can wait that long...I think.

I keep her arms pinned above her head as she stares at me with wide eyes. I'd said what I'd said and without regret. I don't even give a shit about the consequences I may face after this. But I need her answer and I need it now. Because we're going to go eat dinner, I'll ask Kyra to take Emily out with them so I can "speak" with Winter alone, and
then - put simply - we'll fuck. That is, if she agrees.

"I...you..." She stumbles over her words. I don't know why, because it's real weird, but it's a huge turn on. Maybe anything she does is a turn on.

"You don't want to do that with me," she finally rushes out.

I look down at the ground and then back up to her, glaring. "And you're the judge of that how, exactly?" I ask, voice low.

She swallows. "You've made it very clear that you hate me. Besides, there's nothing good to find under my...clothes." Her cheeks turn a warm color, something that happens often since she's embarrassed or flattered by simple things a lot. "I'm not...I'm ugly, Kason. You just don't want to do anything with me. I promise."

I glare at her and tighten my hold on her wrists. How could she be so insecure? Or, let's rephrase that. How could a man like that Vincent fucktard make her feel so insecure? She's easily, one of the most genuinely beautiful girls I've ever seen. I don't see how it's possible for her to look in a mirror and pick out any flaws. And I don't even mean that as a compliment. It's just the truth.

"Don't say that," I growl, trying not to reveal too much of what's stirring in my head. "I do want you. I want to feel you. You need to know what it feels like to be appreciated. You've been through hell. That's clear. We're both fucked up. Let's do this one thing that no one needs to know about. One reckless thing."

She stays completely silent, just staring at me like I'm deranged. I just stare into each of her eyes, waiting to uncover anything that gives me an answer. I won't deny that I am, indeed, insane. This will result badly. I know that from experience. A sense of deja vú is smacking me in the face repeatedly, screaming at me to stop.

This is exactly how I ended up falling in love with Sam, is it not?

Yet I can't bring myself to halt. To call of this proposal would be confusing and hurtful to Clumsy. I already told myself I'd try to help her, or at least make her comfortable here. I guess this deal isn't really making her "comfortable," but it'd be even worse if I just decided to call it off.

No going back.

I feel my heart stop when she innocently whispers the word I'd been waiting for her to say. I'm actually shocked. I would've never expected her to agree with it, given her past most likely full of sexual torment and grief. You would think she'd be more guarded.

"Okay."

I'm sort of...animalistic after that.

I kiss her. I kiss her so hard that I'm afraid I'm hurting her, but she moans, proving that she enjoys what I'm doing. Her noise of pleasure only turns me on further.