L . Laufeyson ★ Loki X Reader Oneshots

Write-tober day 2: Prayer

▷ "This isn't healthy." 

▷Write-tober day 2:Prayer

▷ Notes: In honor of national boyfriend day here's to show relationships aren't all peaches and cream. Keep working on it (unless it's toxic I don't care how lonely you are never go back to a toxic relationship or person) and if you're single keep loving yourself the right way. Try to make people smile but remember yous a person :) xoxo and a big sloopy smooch from me. -Eira

▷Word of the day: Candles

"You taste like... mhm," Loki cooed nuzzling his face into your neck and trailing kisses up and down your jawline.

The scene was perfect.

Bundled up in over sized sweaters and cradling warm mugs of hot tea. A long ignored book of sonnets sat in Loki's lap and your sock covered feet met his under the plush blankets. You could hear the wind howling outside and the leaves rustling but inside you were safe and warm.

Wrapped in his arms as smells of the scented candles rose to your nose and filled your lungs. So many people had hurt you in the past years but this made up for all of that. Your soft heart was so full of love and joy you pampered Loki with it all often. Still the fire was crackling in the distance warning you both that eventually it would go out and your time would be up. For now you smiled and laughed his soft lips tickling you and reminding you that he was yours no matter where he went.

"What do i taste like exactly?" You chuckled letting him pull himself up and look at you.

Ah, the way he looked at you.

It made you feel so vulnerable and bare in his eyes. You loved how exposed you could be and he would still look at you the same way no matter what. At least until things changed.

"Like honey," he said as he tucked your hair behind your ear, letting his fingers run down the strand.

You rolled your eyes, the smile never falling from your lips, "how poetic."

"You made me this way, a hopeless romantic, it's quite sickening really." He looked back towards the raging fire, sinking back into the sofa and bring the hot liquid up to his lips.

"Don't you ever get tired of pretending to care about people you genuinely don't give a damn about?" He asked with caution certainly knowing he ruined the moment with such a touchy conversation.

"Loki," you sighed, setting your cup down on the coffee table and frowning immensely.

"This is my life." It came out like a whisper or a statement but lately it was becoming a reminder. As to say the universe doesn't have a center and you can't be it.

"But It could be so much more," he said as he copied you in setting down his drink but he moved quickly to clasp both your hands in his. "You could be a princess (name), why do you still choose to stay here with mortals who don't appreciate you? Why will you not leave for Asgard and me?" He had a hopeful look on his face that today would be the day you finally said yes to his begging and pleas. You knew it wasn't, by the way his words made you feel unimportant. The way he talked about your life as if it was meaningless without him.

"Don't do that." you frowned looking down at his hands in yours and wanting to pull away.

"Do what?" he asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Don't make it sound like i'm choosing this over you. I worked hard to become a doctor and I love my work. I don't care if I'm not always appreciated and I don't care that i'm not a princess. Loving you shouldn't mean I have to give up on my dreams because you and I both know I've never asked that of you, not even once." You bit you lower lip and slowly eased your eyes back up to his, what you saw there made your stomach churn.

"These people don't deserve you. I'm not asking you to give up on your dreams but I hate not waking to you some mornings. I hate having to go about my duties without you there. Why won't you say yes to me? Why won't you agree to marry me?"

The fire was dying, dimming as it did so. The once raging and intense warmth it emitted stilled. The candles were melting and the tea was getting cold. Even the wind had silenced upon hearing you and Loki bicker.

"I will when I feel like i'm not selling my soul and my identity only to become your wife. This is my home. My family is here as are my friends and co-workers, I had a life before you Loki and I swear to God I have a life when you leave. We get so lonely that we pretend that this works but it's not always healthy, you depend on me more than I depend on-"

"Maybe I should go." He cut you off, dropping your hands and standing to move away from you. Offended as he always was when these topics arose.

"Loki please don't." You begged, missing him from his spot besides you as he moved across the room forming a rift between you both.

"I'd hate to be dependent and a burden I see you have a life." He spat bitterly, the usual smiley way he looked at you turned to disgust and anger. It wrecked your heart from the inside out.

A green mist wrapped around him and you knew what was happening, "Loki!" you called moving to go to him before he disappeared but it was too late.

He was gone.

You sunk to the floor feeling defeated and repulsive in the same instance. You had been raised religious, Loki hadn't known, he was a God. He wouldn't even care.

But still you prayed.

Prayer having been drilled into you from such a young age you couldn't go cold turkey when you met Loki. He was a God but of the Aseir not of earth.

Sometimes you prayed for him, to be safe when he left you and to think of you often. Sometimes you prayed for Thor to stay humble and for him to remember even heroes can be wrong. Lately you found yourself praying more for your relationship, praying that it would be strong enough to withstand arguments and times like this. Praying that your heart could bear when he didn't look at you with love or joy and that you could handle how worthless you felt when he did that.

Like any other time, you sat there on the floor and prayed. Closing your eyes to concentrate and mumbling aloud to yourself. The fire had gone out, the candles were no more, there was nothing but darkness and guilt now in the once cozy room. Your guilt and your darkness alone.

Of all the prayers you had prayed you noticed one thing.

It was always a different kind of prayer when your heart was so very sad.

Loki would laugh if he could see you now, on your knees praying to a God he didn't believe in. There wasn't any cause for you to pray now, the same thing would happen as all the other times.

Loki would return and apologize you would do the same because you always felt in the wrong when he was displeased. You'd make up with kisses and bites, his cold hands grasping your warm body all throughout the chilly months. Reminding you of the times he smiled at you or the times the only word you could moan out was his name.

Then this would happen again.

Just like a codependent cycle.

But still.

You prayed.