840 Words "I don't wanna be alive, I just wanna die today" ______________________________________
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Tracy Billingsy
"Christopher Gilly ?" The doctor says causing me to stand and walk over to her.
"He's up you can go see him" I nodded my head and walked down the hall to Chris room. This my first time seeing him since I left the hospital. I took a deep breath before walking in.
Chris laid in the bed watching tv, it was playing sponge bob. He didn't look sick. He looked okay. He was gonna be okay. Well that's what I wanted to believe.
"Hey" He says.
"I'm sorry" I said, I felt everything coming back to me. The car crash replaying in my head. Cye's little scream in my head. "Uncle Tray!"
"Uncle Tray come play basket ball with me!" His little self came running to me.
"What you know about basket ball kid?"
"I know that I can beat you!" He says excitedly.
"Come on then lil sucker"
"TRAY!" Chris yelled snapping me out of the memory. I looked at him tears filling my eyes.
"It wasn't your fault, it was mine— I shouldn't have started arguing with you"
"No. I was driving I should've-." My head fell in my hands as Cye's screams came into my head again. "Fuck! He's gone now and it's all my fucking fault I-"
"It should've been me, he was so young, how could you forgive me? You can't. I'm a monster I'm the cause of a 5 year old death, my own nephew. I deserve to fucking die" I yelled as I started pacing. My fist balled up, I felt the need to hit something.
I let out a loud frustrated scream. " Chris don't forgive me, you can't"
"Tray you need help man" Chris says with watery eyes.
"I don't need help, I need to fucking die" I say before storming out of the room.
I called up a lyft. It said it would be here in 2 minutes. There's no way I'm driving again. But then again maybe I should. So I can crash and kill myself. So I could feel the pain Cye felt.
Lyft pulled up and I got in the car. Minutes later we pulled up to my house. I walked in and went straight to my room. For the first time since Monday I fell asleep.
* I stood in the living room watching the game. The falcons was loosing again. Lame asses. I felt a tug on my shirt. I looked down and saw Cye standing there with a goofy grin.
"Uncle Tray!" He says smiling he showed me his bleeding hands. Blood started running down his face. "Look you've killed me!" He says laughing.
A older looking Cye came over to me dressed in cap and gown. "Look Unc I made it to my 12th grade grad- wait I didn't , I didn't because you killed me!" He says with a smile on his face.
"I'm sorry Cye! Forgive me please!" I pleaded.
"No it's your fault! I didn't get to go to prom, my 16th birthday, my elementary graduation, my first car! Now you won't get to see your kids graduate" He say pulling out a gun. I stepped back as both younger and older Cye walked up on me laughing.
"Bye bye uncle-."
"TRAY" I shot up and looked around the room. Airi stared at me with tears coming out of her eyes. I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
"Airi what you doin hea"
"Chris told me you weren't okay, Tray talk to me"
"I killed him. I killed Cye"
"No you didn't ! Don't say that, it wasn't your fault, the truck wasn't even supposed to be on that road, come here" She says pulling me into her arms. I rested my head on her shoulder and cried. I been doing that a lot lately.
Airi wiped my tears. "It's not your fault. It's not your fault, come on get up"
I pouted like a child but nonetheless I stood up. "Close your eyes then breath in, breath out"
"Airi that's not gon-"
"I don't remember asking a question. Do it. Now" She demanded.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I breathed in and out.
"At least you can still breath uncle Tray" I heard Cye whisper in my ear.
I opened my eyes, anger coming over me again. "FUUCCCCCKK!"
Airi stared at me terrified. She walked over to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. I relaxed at her touch. I looked down at her. I was so angry I didn't even notice how beautiful she was looking. Her hair was up in a ponytail, she was dressed in a casual shirt and pants but she still managed to make it look beautiful.
She's really been by my side and it made my feelings for her stronger. I was fighting the urge to kiss her. She has a boyfriend. That she loves.
Ughhh I hate writing sad chapters but whatever, I'll get over it.
