lost and found // calum hood

59 | Elizabeth

One of the worst feelings is when you wake up from a lovely dream to this cruel reality. That's exactly how I felt waking up alone in my bed again with a pounding headache.

I was lying in my bed. The rain was falling heavily outside of my window, the same playlist I always listened to was playing softly on the background. I looked outside the window. It was January 8th. 8 days. It had been 8 days without him, without my other half, my piece of art, and things hadn't changed a little. I still loved him, he still was the first thing that came up to my mind every time of the day. It had always been him: his smile, his voice, his smell. It was impossible to picture him, or even myself without each other. I needed him, more than I needed breathing.

It was weird, though. We only started officially dating about two weeks ago, but still. We'd fallen in love way before that.

Calum kept texting and calling me, leaving me a thousand voicemails. I never answered, but I listen to everything he said and read every message he sent. He even sent me a cover of his favorite song.

I wasn't mad anymore. I don't think I ever was mad at him, to begin with. It was an accident and I know that, but he hurt me. And all I could think about was how this was basically how Tommy started.

A part of me knew that Calum wasn't Tommy. Calum would never do anything that Tommy did. Calum was the good guy. But Tommy had fucked me up so bad that I didn't trust anyone anymore and just as I thought things were going better than ever, this happened. Now we're back at square one.

We weren't broken up, I guess. But I wasn't sure if we were together either. I had left without seeing him. I couldn't face him after that night, but now I was missing him more than ever.

Amy was pissed at him and she kept saying that she was right all along. Was she? Was this all my fault again? I couldn't help myself but overthink everything.

I haven't left my dorm in days. I was laying in bed, having a terrible headache and a depressive episode. I haven't showered and the only reason I was eating was that my roommate and Amy were basically forcing me to. I was surprised that I didn't have bedsores yet.

Everything was taking too much energy that I didn't have and I usually would wake up around 2 PM and go back to sleep at 1 AM. Life was exhausting.

I missed Calum so damn much.

Ashton tried to call me a few times, but I wasn't responding to him either. I wasn't ignoring him, I just didn't have the energy to do so. I kept scrolling through all the pictures in my phone that Calum and I took.

Amy knew what I was doing. I was known for pushing people away when things got tough. Always isolating myself from people. I didn't want to bother anyone with my issues and my problems and liked to figure it out on my own.

So I did. I tried to push Amy away when she told me I should perhaps consider contacting my shrink again, just for a couple sessions maybe. I got mad and kicked her out, but she came back later that night with dinner and hot chocolate.

I already missed three days of uni because I just couldn't get out of my bed. Pathetic, really.

So that's why I was still laying in my goddamn bed at this moment, staring at my ceiling again. I closed my eyes for a second, just thinking until someone knocked on my door. I opened my eyes but didn't move.

The knocks grew louder and I groaned, slowly getting up. "Yeah, yeah. Coming." I yelled, now walking to the door and opening it.

Some random dude stood there with my suitcase. "Hi, are you Elizabeth?" he asked and I nodded. "Yeah," I say. "Package from Ashton Irwin," he said before rolling my suitcase in my room. "Uh- yeah, thanks," I tell him before I closed the door.

I looked like trash, my hair was all greasy and I was wearing a sweater I stole from Calum when I was in France and my sweatpants. I didn't need anyone to see me like this. I grabbed my phone and decided to read some of the messages I got today and reply to Ash.

Thanks for sending me my stuff.

Now Ash knew I was alive, maybe he would stop bugging me. I scrolled through my other chats and saw that Crystal had sent me one as well. I clicked on it and started to read the huge message she'd send me.

hey liz, hope you're okay. i know you still haven't talked to cal. he's doing really bad and he misses you. not to sound headass but calum is so big and strong, but his heart is so soft, he loves puppies, he is the best songwriter in the group, he can be so silly when he's comfortable, but he's incredibly soft spoken, he always stands with his hands in his pockets which is body language for him guarding himself bc he's shy, he's so sweet to his sister, loves receiving flowers, loves rock music more than anything, his arms are so effortlessly massive without him even flexing, but he has the cutest cheeks i've ever seen paired with an amazing jawline/face shape, his blank face can look intimidating, but that's just his gorgeous eyebrows and warm brown hooded eyes that give him a natural bitch resting face, he calls his puppy "my love" or "little man", he's so openly affectionate with the boys, has the most beautiful hearty laugh i've ever heard, and he is absolutely in love with you. I hope you can forgive him, when he promised you that he wouldn't hurt you, he meant it. let me know you're okay. love, crystal.

By the end of the message, tears had formed in my eyes again. Fuck. Thanks, Crystal.

I bit my lip as I went to my contacts and pressed Calum and started to type out a message. It took me a minute before I had the balls to press send, but I did it.

I was never mad at you, you're forgiven, please forgive yourself. miss you, love you

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this is short but lets be honest most of my chapters are only around 1000 words cuz i update three times a day lmao y'all just gotta live with it. i was tipsy when i wrote this so pls forgive my grammar