Catch Me

Chapter Forty-Three: Panic Attack

       

Chapter Forty-Three: Panic Attack

WARNING: This chapter contains mature content

Zander entered Haleigh, gently and slowly. He gasped as Haleigh let out a soft moan. Her breath hitched in her throat as Zander rocked back in forth. The sensation was causing a shiver to run up the length of Haleigh's spine. She leaned forward, kissing Zander's soft lips, her fingers entangled in his messy dark brown hair as he continued to thrust in and out of her. Haleigh moved her right hand to the side of Zander's face. She cupped his cheek in her hand, feeling the rough stubble that grew there as she gazed deeply into his beautiful golden eyes. All Haleigh could think about was how good he was making her feel right now, and how in love with him she was.

Zander reached his hand up to his face, taking Haleigh's hand in his, his laced their fingers together affectionately as he pinned her hand above her head, gently. He began to trust a little harder, causing Haleigh to moan louder than before.

Haleigh thought of the first time she laid eyes on Zander. She recalled the moment their eyes met in the crowded Kappa Sigma house as Zander strummed his bass. She recalled the first time he had ever called her beautiful after she had eaten at the Bagel Factory for the first time.

The Bagel Factory made Haleigh's mind wander to thoughts of Alyssa, and her perfectly curled red hair, and perfectly symmetrical face.

    As this thought crossed her mind, she was reminded of Alyssa's words from earlier in the day. It used to make me happy.

    All of a sudden a wave of panic swept over Haleigh as she realized what was happening. Her heart thumped painfully fast in her chest as the realization of the moment engulfed her. She loved this man, with more passion than she had ever even thought was humanly possible. She loved feeling his hands exploring her body, and she loved the look in his eyes as they made love. He made Haleigh feel like she was the only girl on the entire planet. But was all this worth the torment Alyssa was bound to put her through? Maybe if Haleigh had been stronger, or more brave.

    "Zander." Haleigh tried her best to keep her voice calm and controlled as she rested her hand on his chest, pushing slightly. She needed to stop, she needed to take back everything that was currently happening. She needed to go back in time and ignore the text Zander had sent earlier, asking her to talk. Zander didn't seem to hear her however as he continued to move his hips against hers. "Zander, stop." Haleigh's voice quivered as she pushed slightly harder against his chest.

    Zander could hear the panic in Haleigh's voice, and he pulled quickly away from her. He watched as Haleigh covered her face with her hands. His heart ached with fear that he had done something to hurt her.

    "I'm sorry," Zander placed a comforting hand on Haleigh's shoulder as they both sat up in bed, but she shrugged him off. "Hales."

    "Zander..." She warned, she was having a hard time controlling the panic that was continuing to rush through her body. She stood from her bed and began searching for her clothes, quickly throwing on one article of clothing at a time.

    "Did I do something?" Zander's voice was laced with worry.

    "No," Haleigh wiped a tear from her eyes, as Zander stood from her bed and slipped into his jeans. "I just need to find my bra." Haleigh's heart was still racing in her chest as she searched her room for the last article of clothing. Her mind raced with the possibilities of Alyssa's next act of torment.

    Haleigh was finding it more and more difficult to breath, as if she was having an asthma attack, yet it didn't feel quite the same. She knew something was wrong. A panic attack? She hadn't had a full on panic attack in years. The last one that had been really bad had happened on her first day of high school. She had been lost, looking for her next class when that panic attack had set in. A strange boy named Shane had been the only person to stop in the hall to see if she was okay.

    Haleigh brought both her hands to her head, covering her face, trying to take control of her body. She breathed evenly, as she attempted to calm her heart. Zander looked on in confusion before he closed the gap between them. He pulled Haleigh close and she wrapped her arms around his neck, thankful for some form of security.

    Zander was completely and utterly confused. One minute he was making love to the girl of his dreams, and the next she was telling him to stop as she pushed him off of her. Zander held Haleigh in his arms comfortingly. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and he could feel her grip tighten around his neck as if she was afraid of letting go.

    The couple stayed like this for what felt like an eternity. The room around them was silent. The only noise came from Haleigh as she breathed heavily. Soon the her breathing slowed, and she pulled away from Zander. His hands fell to his sides.

    "You okay?" The concern in Zander's voice was evident. Haleigh looked to the floor as if ashamed of whatever just happened. She nodded slowly.

    "I just need to be alone, Zander." Haleigh finally spoke.

    "Okay. I'll come see you tomorrow after your classes then." He offered, as he slipped into his t-shirt and flannel.

    "No." Haleigh corrected, sadness filled her voice. "This doesn't changed anything, Zander."

    "But-" He was cut off as Haleigh spoke.

    "Zander, I love you." She began. "And I hope some day things will be different, but right now I don't think 'us' is possible." Zander's facial expression turned to anger. His face flushed a deep shade of red, and his hands formed into two tight fists at his sides.

    "You couldn't have said all of this before we fucked?" Zander spat out in frustration. Haleigh flinched at Zander's anger. "This is bullshit, Haleigh, and you fucking know it."

    "Get out." Haleigh's voice was almost a whisper. She could feel her heart starting to pick up again, her face flushed the same color as Zander's, and tears began to form in the corner of her eyes.

    Zander shook his head in disbelief, gathered his belongings and exited the dorm room, swinging the door shut as hard as he could behind him. It slammed with a loud crash against the door frame. He marched out into the harsh coldness of the Vermont winter.

    Haleigh flung herself onto the messed up covers of her dorm bed, and cried herself to sleep.

    Zander walked slowly in the cool December evening toward his apartment building. His mind was racing with questions that he wished he could ask Haleigh. Anger also boiled in his veins. Why did this girl have to be so complicated? Why did it feel like every force in the universe was trying to separate them? Why did he care so much? He had never once cared so much about one girl. When he was in high school he had had a lot of girls who wanted to be with him. He always tried to be exclusive with one of these girls at a time, but had never been fully satisfied with just one. Until Haleigh.

    He hated the feeling of rejection. Especially when Haleigh was the one rejecting him. He wanted her to want him.

    "Hey baby." A familiar voice sounded from Zander's right. He groaned as Alyssa came into view, catching up with Zander's pace as he walked. "Where you headed?"

     "Fuck off." Zander scowled at the girl who had ruined everything. He wished he had never gotten involved with Alyssa.

    "Oh come on, don't be like that." Alyssa smiled, playfully swatting Zander's arm. "Want to hang out? You look stressed, let me loosen you up a little." Zander could hear the lust in Alyssa's voice. Frankly, he found it pathetic.

    "Alyssa," Zander stopped dead in his tracks, turning toward Alyssa. He glared at this girl with so much anger that she took a step backward, intimidated. "What's it going to take to get it through your thick fucking skull?" He took a step toward her as she took another step back. His anger was getting the better of him. "I wouldn't be with you if you were the last girl on Earth." He sneered, then turned and continued toward his apartment, leaving Alyssa alone in the cold night.