I Love You, But You? (Jeffmads/Hamburr)

Does he really love me?

Thomas POV

I open my eyes and see beautiful flowers, trees, the blue sky, the sun is beautiful and nice on my skin..I am in a park? I feel that my hand is grabbed. I look next to me and see James's head on my shoulder. I smiled when I saw him near me. I look at myself and I see myself sitting on a bench with him. But how did I get here?

"James how am I..."

"You finally awake Thomas?" He says, getting up from the bench to face me. He closes his eyes and smiles at me.

"Thomas, I have to tell you something," He says. When he opens his eyes, I see that his eyes are empty. I see the flowers fading, the leaves of the trees become black, the blue sky becomes sullen, the sun is gone.

"You're really naive," He says with a smile. What's happening ?

"Did you really think I was going to forgive you so easily?" He says in a slow voice.

"What do you mean?" I ask completely lost. His smile increases.

"I don't love you. I just want revenge on you, " He says softly. I widen my eyes.

"No, you..."

"To see you crying every time I ignore you or hurt you makes me want to do more to make you suffer," He says.

"No, you can not tell me that..." I say, getting up.

"What? Can't you believe the truth? "James says, leaning over to me.

"You told me you love me !!!" I scream at him. You told me that you love me, your look showed that you were honest. It's a joke?

"Are you still playing one of your jokes?" I say, frustrated. He shakes his head always with his smile.

"I told you that I love you so that I can break your little heart," He says, moving away. I take his hand.

"I don't believe you!!! Don't leave me, don't play with me !!! " I say in a shaking voice. I let out tears falling down my face.

"Aww you cry?....you're weak." James says firmly before pushing me. I fall to the ground

"Our kisses were nothing for you ??? " I ask trying to make him stay.

"Thomas, I kissed you just so you do not doubt my plan," He says. His empty look scares me more and more as he smiles.

"And what's more, you see me love a boy ???!!!! Ah ah ah !!! It's completely stupid, you're so much in denial that you didn't see that I don't love you," He laughs.

"You...you ..."

"Thomas, I can't say you aren't, but you're pretty handsome and that's the only reason I stayed with you so long." He says.

"It was just physical ???" I ask sadly.

"Yes, we could say that like that, but know that I have no feelings for you, not with a queer like you," He says.

"Jemmy !!!" Says a female voice. I see Dolley take James's hand.

"What are you doing, Jemmy?" She asks.

"Nothing important," He says, giving her a kiss on his lips. My tears are falling more and more. He lets me down.

I see him go with her without even turning, under their feet the grass is green, but where I sit the grass is dead.

I see them disappear in a white light. I wanted to shout at him. He chose Dolley instead of me. He leaves me alone. I want to scream so much, but I can't, like I don't have a voice.

I don't see them anymore. I feel that the grass melts, I try to get up, but I can't. Everything around me disappears to give way to blackness. I feel like I'm falling I scream, but with no sound coming out of my mouth.

"JAMES !!!!" I wake up suddenly in a sitting position. It was only a nightmare. I keep shaking all over and crying, putting my hands in my hair. I hear the door open.

"Thomas, why are you calling me at 5 am?" James asks hoarsely. I lift my head and look at him, my eyes filled with tears. My vision is blurry, I can't see his face properly.

"Thomas, are you crying?" He asks, coming closer to me. I take desperately his hands.

"James, do you still love me !!!!" I ask him. Maybe it's true that...

"Of course I love you, Thomas. Don't cry for that, " He says tiredly. I shake his hands.

"I'm serious do you love me?" I ask him insistently.

"Yes, I love you, but why are you calling me for that and why are you crying?" He asks in a worried voice. I let go of his hands and wipe away my tears.

"No nothing. Sorry to have bothered you, " I say shyly. He puts his hands on my cheeks and brings me closer to his face.

"Thomas, tell me what's bothering you, you can tell me everything, I will not laugh at you, you can trust me and I can trust you." He says in a reassuring voice. These words reassure me a little.

"It's nothing, I just had a nightmare," I say shyly.

"Where I'm in?" He asks. I look at him and he wipes his thumb my tears escaping from my eyes. I nod with difficulty.

"And what was going on in your nightmare?" He asks in a soft voice.

"I...I...dreamed that you told me ..."

"That's fine Thomas, go on," He says softly.

"I dreamed you'd leave me for a girl," I say without looking at him.

"A girl? "He asks. I nod.

"Who? Will you tell me? " He asks.

"Dolley..." I say, remembering his name. He removes his hands from my face.

"Is it because of the request she asked for?" He asks.

"I...don't know," I say, thinking back to James kissing Dolley. He gets up.

"You must be wondering why I forgave you, don't you?" He asks. I nod.

"I thought about everything you told me, you said differently how much you love me and me...I love you for that....I only thought about the negatives and I let you down a few times, but I will not do it anymore, because I'm sure of my feelings for you. " He says with a smile. I blush at his beautiful words.

"I'm sure you're skeptical of my feelings for you, that's why you probably have this nightmare," He pursues.

"It's....true that I was asking myself a lot of questions," I say, thinking.

"But know that I love you for what you are," He says as he finished.

I get out of bed and get up quickly to give him a hug. I hold him in my embrace. He squeezes me back.

"I love you so much, James," I say.

"Me too...I love you, Thomas," He says.

1139 words