The New Adventures of Nomi Darklighter

Chapter 56 - Abandon the Jedi Way?

On board the Aquarius, Dash Jr. watched his mother leave the cockpit without a word.
He heard the bunk door slam shut and sighed. The young Jedi knew what was going on in his mother's mind. And he wondered why she had been so eager to attack the First Order freighter and its escort.
This was not the way of the Jedi that Master Skywalker had taught him and his siblings. And he was pretty sure it wasn't what his Jedi Master had taught his mother a long time ago.
But perhaps they all have to adapt to what the war demands of them. No chivalry, no mercy. Treat the enemy as the enemy treats you. He wondered if he would ever be able to do this. Attack first, not just strike in defense.

Nomi slumped down on the cot and took a deep breath. She wished Dash was with her and not on board the Outrider, which was only a few clicks away. The Jedi longed for her husband's touch, for the softness of his voice to comfort her.
By attacking the freighter, she knew she had violated everything a Jedi believed in. Anyone would say that the ends justify the means, but not her. She sighed as she realized that she had even led her sons down this path that could be their downfall. With a shudder, she remembered her father, who had once succumbed to the dark side. The Civil War veteran wished for a different fate for her children. She was glad that Tasherit and Jaden weren't there when the First Order showed up at D'Qar.

As the Jedi looked out the viewport, she saw nothing but the stars and the floating debris of the destroyed freighter and its escort.
There was still no sign of the Resistance fleet. Nomi glanced at her chrono. Then she checked the coordinates again. Yes, they were at the rendezvous point. Nomi reached out with the Force for her youngest son, but there was nothing.
She was pretty sure Corran was hiding in the Force so Kylo couldn't sense him when he was around. Finally, she pressed the comm button and summoned the Outrider.
"Mama?" Biggs, the one of her sons who rarely spoke more than necessary, answered her call.
"How are you, Biggs?" his mother asked.
The young Jedi rolled his eyes. He wasn't particularly keen to talk to his mother about his feelings after the failed attack. Finally, he brought himself to answer her.
"Fine."
The Jedi reached out with the Force to touch her son, but was blocked from doing so.
"Please, don't do this, Mama. I'm not a little boy anymore."
His mother pulled back and sighed.
"I can sense your feelings, Biggs. You can't hide them from me."
"How do you think I feel? You said the freighter was easy prey. Prey... you sounded like a pirate, not a Jedi."
His mother winced when she heard Biggs' accusation. Pirates, that's what the captain of the freighter had called them. And now her own son was calling her that too. That hurt.
"We're at war with them, Biggs."
"Oh good of you to remind me. I'd almost forgotten," her son replied with a growling undertone.
She couldn't remember ever seeing the always calm and composed Biggs so angry.
"You've already killed before," was her only reply. She was at a loss.
"Yes, I have killed before," her son replied, "but that was a different case to this one. I don't want to talk about it. Father is resting and I could do with some rest too. You should rest too, Mama."
Biggs cut the connection and made himself comfortable in the pilot's seat to take a nap.

His mother looked at the comm, which had fallen silent, and wondered if it was really the right decision she had made a few hours earlier, and if it was right to abandon the Jedi way.