Constellations

Experiences

Lotor walked through the white halls that where slightly dimmed by lighting as he searched for the blue paladin but frowned when he found the hall of doors that led to the Paladins rooms as they all where empty.

"He couldn't have wondered far," Lotor huffed looking down the halls. Lotor looked down seeing the mice jumping up and down by his feet.

"Perhaps you've seen the paladin?" Lotor knelt down to them and offered his hand for them. The mice jumped into his hand and the smallest, Luna, pointed the other way aggressively.

"You have?" Lotor frowned as he could understand them almost. "Lead the way little ones,"

They walked down the halls as Lotor listened to them calmly and heard a soft whimper around the corner. He let the mice back down and quickly followed the sound as he saw lance sitting against the wall with his hands over his ears and knees pull to his chest tightly.

"Lance," Lotor walked over and lance let out a small cry with wide scarred eyes.

"Lotor?" Lance gasped feeling ahead and grabbed his arms with wide eyes.

"It's me, are you alright little soldier?" Lotor helped him up and lance frowned keeping his head down but held onto the galra.

"I don't know..." lance admitted standing.

"Was it... is it a drill? Is Allura mad?" He asked softly as Lotor looked down at him.

"It's..." Lotor wanted to lie, tell him there's nothing to worry about, that it's all fine. But lying to him seemed unfair. "It's my empire, those who rebel against me personally, Acxa and zethrid will take care of them if the warlord is difficult to defeat,"

"Do not blame yourself," Lotor told him.

"Yea it's whatever, I... I'm fucking lost in the ship that's suppose to be my home," lance scoffed crossing his arms.

"I get it, let's get you to the control deck," Lotor offered him gently but lance ripped himself back.

"No! Don't you get it! I can't be a paladin of Voltron if I can't even see where the lion is! I can't be valued if I can't even find the right room!" Lance snapped back taking a few steps away.

"Being a paladin was no mistake lance, you where chosen, lions don't pick just anyone," Lotor told him calmly.

"And destiny just chose to fucking take away the one thing that seems to stand it the way of everything! Take away my hearing? Get me a hearing aid, mute? I can write shit down! But no one has ever been able to solve blindness unless a service dog is the fucking solution!" Lance raised his voice at him and Lotor remained unfazed.

"I already need to prove that I can be a paladin, but now there's no use, I can't do anything without holding someone's hand," Lance spat crossing his arms.

"Lance," "do you know what fear is?" Lance whispered loud enough as he was holding his body together.

"I do,"

"What are you afraid of then?" Lance gulped.

Lotor looked at him for a moment, he waited to watch lance facial expressions.

"I'm afraid of... I'm afraid of trust," Lotor spoke slowly and Lance frowned.

"Do you fear forgetting?" Lance asked.

"No," Lotor looked at him confused.

"Exactly, no one fears forgetting something, forgetting the way something sounds, something smells, tastes, looks like... I use to be afraid of the dark, and now that's all I see," he leaned against the wall and slid down.

"So now, I'm petrified of forgetting, I am so scared of forgetting my moms face, the way she smiles, my niece and nephew, I have no idea what their going to grow up too, I'm scared I'll forget my sisters face, my twin sister that I was born with, I'm so scared in a year or even less, I'm just going to remember black, not even my own face, not any other color..."

Lotor stared down at lance sadly and joined him on the ground taking a soft breath.

"I lied," Lotor shrugged. "Not by much but I did, I'm not afraid of trust, it's just easier to admit than being afraid of something silly as love,"

"Love?" Lance made a face.

"I don't know what it is, and naturally we fear what we do not know, King alfor and the power that made my father a devil from the darkest corners of hell," Lotor explained.

"You've never been loved...? What about you mom?" Lance asked confused and Lotor looked across the hall as he laid his arm against his propped knee.

"I never met her, died when I was born, I only know of her work, not who she is or how she felt about a child, kolivan was the closest thing I had to a guidance to knowing right from wrong rather than victory or death, and even then it's not love, he was my teacher and as a boy a protector," Lotor smiled softly.

"You where abused as a child weren't you?" Lance whispered with wide eyes full of fear.

"Yes,"

"I'm sorry," lance sighed, feeling his heat next to him and the way Lotor softly breathed.

"I'm not, Yes it was cruel, but it didn't break me, it strengthens me even now," Lotor smiled.

"You said you've had near death experiences... and yourself has disabilities like me," lance bit the inside of his cheek nervously.

"I do and have had many," Lotor nodded.

"What did you loose like smelling?" Lance teased half heartedly.

Lotor smiled and took off his left boot and rolled up his pants to his knee. He grabbed lances hand and placed it over his shin as lances eyes widen slightly as his breathing stopped.

"Your leg..." Lance gulped.

"The left side of my body, I was in a crash but luckily I got to keep my arm, two of my left ribs are metal, as well as vertebrae's of my spine, and I have one eye and ear," Lotor smirked on the last part knowing lance wouldn't see it.

"Your face too?" Lance asked horrified.

"No I suppose some see that a joke," Lotor smiled to himself but lance punched his arm.

"Asshole I felt bad!" Lance cried out but laughed a little.

"I do have scarring along my left side from the explosion, there was no one that stayed by my side to hope of my survival, so I guess I did lie, it's hard to trust when there's been a lot that's happened to yourself," Lotor smiled at him and lance nodded.

"I'm sorry still," the blind man gulped as Lotor put his boot back on and fixed the pants leg.

"Don't be, I have been alive for centuries, it hasn't always been darkness," Lotor grunted getting up and offered his hand to lance.

"I hope our chats do help little soldier, I do not wish to challenge you to our unfortunate events in our lives but I'm sorry to say I will beat you, though I share my experiences to show you-" Lotor helped lance up as the paladin held onto him. "That you are not alone in tragedy,"

"Thank you, for not lying about that or anything, for everything, if you weren't some batshit crazy galra id say your a good friend," Lance laughed softly at him shaking his head.

Lotor smiled and began to led lance down the halls back to the room where the control deck was.

"Lotor... I hope you do know what it is to love someone, cause love is trust, and I just think having a break of looking out for yourself is something you deserve," lance smiled holding onto him as Lotor smiled back as his heart sped up a little and he felt as if his face was getting hotter for some odd reason. Maybe an illness?

"Thank you lance, it's very kind of you to say," Lotor smiled but gulped looking ahead as he didnt want to get lost as well.