THE APPRENTICE ➛ Kylo Ren

⁽ ³⁵ ⁾ ❝ ᴀ ᴜ ᴅ ɪ ᴇ ɴ ᴄ ᴇ ❞

Jana could feel the rims under her eyes and the bloodshot webs around her irises, but she had not found sleep in the few hours she’d had for it. Her skin felt achy and tender the way it always did when she was sick, and her cuts and bruises were screaming. She felt like each of her bones was being crushed in a vice, straining under her weight. Physically, she was miserable. Mentally, she wasn’t much better.

There was too much on her mind and it was bursting inside her head, pushing against her temples. She’d imagined the day she met Snoke in the flesh for the first time much differently. She’d pictured herself in midnight robes with a saber on one side and Kylo on the other, her back straightened with pride and her knee bent in awe of the Supreme Leader. She’d envisioned the blaze of the Dark Side in her eyes and the smolder in her heart as Leader Snoke placed her first mission into her arms.

Nowhere in her imaginings had she seen circles the size of asteroids around her eyes, scarred, ashen skin, and a wrinkled shirt, pants and jacket.

So much for expectations. Hopes that actually stood a chance of being fulfilled? She hardly even knew what those were anymore.

There was an underlying tone of aggravation in her mind that was more than a little displeased with the Force. Embracing the Dark Side was allegedly supposed to fix everything. Quiet down the callings blaring inside her, give her peace and purpose and power to control this kind of thing. She thought she was done hearing voices and feeling like death itself.

Again…so much for expectations.

Perhaps the foremost item in her concerns was Kylo. How was she supposed to behave around him now? She assumed it would’ve been bad enough if they had only kissed. That was an entire matter in of itself. But there was more on top of that now, more that he didn’t know about. She could keep that from him. She was good at blocking him out and concealing things from him. But if she already wasn’t sure how she was supposed to act, then how would she be able to achieve a double-feat? You can’t understand how to adapt to certain conditions if you don’t know the environment.

She had tried avoiding all mirrors and reflective surfaces as she readied her appearance that morning, but she finally had to confront her image as she tried to wrestle her hair back into a high style that…someone from Jakku had taught her. It was effective for keeping Jana’s thick tresses out of her face during long desert treks, but mostly Jana had liked it because it meant someone had to run their fingers through her hair to put it up, which always made her drop off to a slumber like magic.

Rey used to do that when Jana couldn’t sleep –

Jana yanked a few strands out to frame her face so roughly that she might as well have yanked that sentence right out of her head. Her sister was on a blacklist of thoughts for now. Only because Jana knew that if she allowed her into her feelings then she would start coming apart at the seams. And above all else, Jana loathed feeling helpless to her emotions. That was something she couldn’t afford right now, especially not on this day. She needed to be at her apex, and she was missing that mark enough already.

Jana gave a final glance to her looks, regretted it, then turned around, sensing a certain someone in the exterior hallway.

The rhythm in her chest hastened.

She opened the door, exited, turned to find the sculptured gaze of a void-eyed helmet returning her stare. Before either of them could draw a breath, Jana asked, “Ready?” Kylo seemed to blink behind the opaque lenses before his head tipped in a nod, and the electrified rumble of his voice replied, “Follow me.”

Jana was glad for his response, fearing that he might have brought up the previous night before anything else. She wouldn’t have known what to say, and she would’ve inevitably said something wrong, leading to even more mental turmoil.