Heart Of Glass

Chapter 19

It took them a few tries before finally getting around time zones and such but after a while they did manage to get Kurt to Skype with Jules right before he went to bed. It meant that Kurt had to stay awake past one in the morning but he didn't care if it meant talking with his boys. Jules was usually in his superhero pyjamas, Pancakes on his lap, as he talked with his father. Kurt always made sure to ask a lot about Jules' day, how it went, what he did, if anyone was bothering him or if he made friends, what ice cream he ate - but Kurt could feel that something was missing.

Kurt sat at night in his sofa in his apartment in the 4eme arrondissement of Paris, in his very fancy apartment. His very empty apartment. He missed Jules running around, Blaine talking about books, he missed their Sunday mornings and their rushed mornings during the week. He had too much space here in Paris and everything was just too clean. During his day, whenever he had a moment, Kurt made a quick sum to know what time it was in New York and to try to guess what Blaine and Jules must be doing.

The first week had been the worst, Kurt always had notifications popping on his phone, reminding him that Jules was with Finn, or with Sebastian, to pick him up or to go to the hairdresser with him. Kurt felt his chest constricting the first time he received one of those notifications. It was what had helped him in the beginning, after the first and only time he forgot to pick Jules up. He remembered setting it up with Blaine and back then it had been such a concrete thing to do, another step toward being a father. Now it just reminded him how helpless he was, how far away from his family he was.

Kurt still got up, went to work, did his best and went home. But everyone around him could see that he did everything on autopilot, everyone noticed that something was missing. The few that had been working with him in New York knew what was happening and the others, well the others must have known as well because everything went around quickly in the office. He caught Isabelle looking sadly at him a few times, like she could relate and feel the pain he carried around with him. Kurt had put a forced smile on his face and went on with his day before collapsing on his couch in the evening in his apartment. He wanted to hug his son, to hug Blaine, to talk with them and go home to them.

Christmas came and went, just like New Year's Eve did. Kurt couldn't take any days off work so he just snatched a champagne bottle from the office party, went home and drank it all by himself. He received several pictures of Jules opening the presents he had bought and shipped to him, there also was a picture of Blaine and a quick video. Often Kurt felt like crying.

Paris was his city but it meant nothing to him if he couldn't share it with Blaine and Jules. He couldn't ask them that though, he couldn't ask to expatriate his six year old son and Blaine. So Kurt worked harder, went home later and slept longer on the weekend to fill the bottomless hole in his chest that got bigger and bigger every day.

"Jules?" Blaine yelled from the child's room. He had entered the room a few seconds ago to wake up Jules and got him to the diner. It was a chilly Sunday morning in January and even if Kurt wasn't here anymore Blaine was set on carrying the few traditions they had all together. He had managed to get Jules out of bed on Sunday for two months now since Kurt had took the damn plane, but when he had open the door this morning, Jules was nowhere to be found.

"Jules?" Blaine yelled again, walking into the living room, hoping to find his son on the sofa. He wasn't there though and Blaine started to panic. He quickly checked the door which was still locked, which meant that Jules was still in the apartment or that he had locked the door behind him. Blaine reasoned, thinking quickly and wildly while ideas popped into his head, ideas of his son, curls free, walking in his pyjamas around New York with his Winnie in hand and Pancakes next to him.

"Daddy?" A tiny voice called him from one of the room. Blaine rushed to Kurt's room, opening the door almost violently to find a tiny bundle of blankets and curls in Kurt's bed. Jules was hiding under the covers, his little head resting between two pillows, holding close to his chest Winnie while Pancakes snored right next to him.