The Mentalist - What if?

Chapter 18

The next morning, Jane awoke around 10am after spending majority of the night watching Lisbon sleep; with her side of the bed and the basinette empty and the apartment too quiet, he padded into the lounge/kitchen area but found no sign of Teresa or Matilda. Only a note on the counter next to the kettle:

'Jane, thank you for last night but I need some space; I'm going to see Tommy for a few days. I'm sorry'

Sighing, he poured himself a cup of tea before deciding he didn't want it; he wanted his Teresa Lisbon back. He wanted Matilda and the family life they had created; he didn't understand how they could go from a happy, lovely meal together to this. She was fine until...

"You idiot" he exclaimed to himself when the realisation hit.

Grabbing his phone, he dialled her number but wasn't surprised when it went straight to voicemail.

"Teresa, I know why you left and why you went quiet last night; if you want a couple of days away, that's okay but please call me so we can sort this out? I love you"

"I love you too" she said from the doorway, he'd been so caught up In the call that he hadn't even noticed the door had opened or closed.

"I thought..."

"I got as far as the highway; I don't want us to be like this"

"So talk to me? What got you so upset?" He asked, lifting Matilda into his arms as they took a seat on the sofa.

"You had no furniture in there Jane, just a mattress"

"You're forgetting one detail; I don't live there any more"

"But you did; I knew you were a minimalist guy but I didn't think you meant it literally"

"But I was never there"

"What about when we finished cases? You always left the building?" She asked, passing him the bottle of milk.

"Teresa, 90% of the time I either snuck back into the building or stayed in motel rooms; trust me, I only went back there when I was having a bad day"

"How come?"

"It was a reminder of what I did, how it was my fault; Charlotte and Angela died because I taunted a serial killer live on tv. Been alone in a place with no furniture seemed appropriate; I didn't think before taking you there last night. I didn't mean to upset you" he explained, looking up from Matilda to look into her eyes, full of regret and honesty.

"We've been together for almost eight months, living together for pretty much the whole time so why have you not got rid of it? I know we said you'd keep it while we trialled you moving in but...You never went home; even when I was a cow and we disagreed, you still came home; do you still think we're not gonna last? That you need a place where you can disappear when you've had enough?" She questioned, letting her fears come tumbling out.

"Where's this coming from? In the time we've been offically together, have i ever given you any reason not to trust me?" He asked, putting the empty bottle on the coffee table and lifting Matilda to his shoulder to wind her.

Sighing, Lisbon shook her head and rested her head in her hands; as her hair cascaded over her hands, she felt a hand on her shoulder before been pulled into his other shoulder.

"Talk to me, I'll put the apartment up for sale first thing Monday morning; I didn't keep it so I could get away. I suppose it was more of a reminder of what could happen if I screwed up with the wrong person again"

"I'm scared that'll I will screw us up; I don't exactly have a good track record with relationships, do I?"

"How about we agree to talk to each other when things start piling up?"

Nodding, she snuggled into him and let her eyes close; she'd barely got any sleep the night before. She'd felt Jane watching her for a while and when his breathing had evened out, she laid there, watching Matilda inbetween feeds; she hadn't been able to get the image of Jane lying on the mattress alone in an unfinished apartment, feeling sorry for himself.