The Mentalist - What if?

Chapter 21

Authors note: not sure of the exact time line in the show but I am using some of the facts, ages may just differ.

By the time he arrived home in the early hours, she hadn't replied to any of his calls or messages; heading up the stairs, he noticed the light on in the nursery. Knocking on the door, he found her sat in the rocker, Matilda asleep in her arms, an empty bottle on the side; she looked up at him with regret and tiredness.

"Hey" he said quietly as to not disturb the sleeping baby.

"Hi"

"Lets head to bed" he suggested, not wanting to bring up her breakdown earlier in the afternoon.

With Matilda sleeping in her cot, Lisbon kissed her forehead before taking Jane's reached out hand and following him to their bedroom; standing at the end of the bed, he placed a gentle kiss to her lips, his hands framing her face as her fingers made work on his shirt buttons. No words spoke between them, they laid in the bed, Lisbon snuggled against his shoulder as his eyes closed; for a man that struggled with insomnia for years, he was clearly exhausted. Looking at his face, she realised she had been far too dependant and reliant on him; she knew she needed to work through her feelings and concerns. She didn't like the idea of going to another therapist though, not after what had happened last time; she was so consumed by her thoughts, she didn't realised he had woke again.

"Stop analysing everything, we can sort it in the morning" he muttered.

"Sorry" she whispered.

When she awoke the next morning, he wasn't next to her, looking at the built in monitor next to the bed, she saw he was in the kitchen, Matilda in his arms as he waited for the bottle to warm up; pulling on her robe, she padded down and joined him, grabbing a mug of coffee for herself.

"Have you gotta go in today?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"That depends"

"On what?"

"You" he simply answered, testing the bottle and beginning to feed Matilda.

"I'm fine" she said, sipping her coffee as she took a seat at the table.

"Didn't seem that way yesterday; you were literally having a breakdown"

"I was just tired"

"It was more than that and you know it; Teresa, whatever is going on, you need to talk someone" he said, taking a seat next to her. "If you don't want to talk to me, maybe you could talk to..."

"Don't say it; the last time I went to a therapist, I..."

"I know what happened, I was there; I will go with you. I'll be by your side the whole time; if you need a drink, I'll get it. Nothing will happen again, I promise"

She sighed and put her mug down, taking a content Matilda into her arms so Jane could have his cup of tea.

"You are a brilliant mom, whatever you think; you've not had an easy time of it the last twelve months and you didn't talk to anybody, not professionally. I get why you didn't want to but you went through something life changing; that put together with the Red John killing and your past, you need it"

"I'm scared" she admitted.

"I know but you don't need to be; I'll be right by your side"

"What if...What If I can't handle it?"

"Well work it out; I'm gonna make a call"

Kissing her forehead, he left the room, leaving Lisbon to look down at her daughter; lovely wide brown eyes staring back at her with a smile to match.