The Mentalist - What if?

Chapter 26

Waking the next morning, Lisbon groaned as she went to move her wrist, only for a shooting pain to remind her it was in a sling; biting her lip to hold back the tears, she awkwardly made her way to the ensuite and let the tears fall. The full realisation of what had happened and how close she had come had hit her completely; taking two painkillers, she wiped her tears away as she heard her daughter's cries over the monitor.

"I'll go" she heard Jane mutter from the other room.

Taking a deep breath, she wondered into the nursery where her daughter was getting her diaper changed; standing next to them, she let a finger be taken hold by Matilda.

"You okay?" He asked, noticing the bruising coming through on her cheek from where her head hit the airbag.

"I suppose" she answered, not looking at him but the tears and fear evident In her voice.

"How about some breakfast?"

"Not hungry"

"You need to try something; you're on some pretty heavy pain killers" he said, dressing Matilda in a fresh outfit. 

"I really don't think I could stomach anything; can we stay in today?"

"Wasn't going to suggest anything else; you need to rest. We can have a relaxing day with this little one; movies in bed, how does that sound?" He asked, lifting Matilda into his hip as he looked at Lisbon.

"I don't deserve you" she whispered as he carefully took her into his arms.

"Of course you do; you've had a nasty shock. You were lucky it wasn't any worse; some rest and downtime, and you'll be back to normal in no time" he said, kissing her hair. "Come on, back to bed for a bit"

With Lisbon safely tucked up and dozing, Jane took the opportunity to feed Matilda before settling her in the foldaway pen in the corner of the room; at ten weeks old, she still spent most of her day asleep so it gave Jane the time to take care of Lisbon. Although Lisbon wasn't fully asleep, it was only minutes later did she stir, mumbling in panicked, hushed tones as she fought against the nightmare in her head.

"I'm here, I have you" he whispered, squeezing her hand to let her know she wasn't alone.

Opening her eyes fully, she sighed and looked at him, needing to see his compassion and love and understanding.

"Hold me" was all she said before she felt his arms holding her close.

With his fingers running through her hair, she settled against his shoulder and sighed; nothing else was said for a while.

"Can i get you anything? Ice pack? Pain relief?"

"You are all I need"

"You need to try and eat something; let me get some soup and then we can stick a movie on"

Reluctantly, Teresa moved from his embrace enough for him to get off the bed; standing to check on her sleeping daughter, she caught sight of her battered car on the driveway. She knew she had been incredibly lucky no one else had been involved, or that she hadn't been more seriously hurt; a couple of days with the brace and her wrist and ribs would be healed. Not wanting Jane to worry even more about her, she headed into the ensuite and ran a brush through her hair and applied a very light amount of make up to conceal some of the bruising; she'd just came out when Jane re-entered the room with a tray of two bowls of soup and a couple of bread rolls. With the food eaten, and Matilda still sleeping, they laid on the bed, his arms around her as his fingers ran through her hair; she sighed and turned to look at his, mindful of her wrist.

"Is the car as bad as it looks?" She asked.

"Should be repairable, it was only a wooden fence you hit so damage shouldn't be as bad as if you'd hit a brick wall"

"I'll call the mechanic on Monday; have you heard from the agent about the cabin?"

"Its all ours; I can go and get the keys whenever I'm ready. We could probably make it down there every month; take a long weekend off"

"We could invite the team down one of the weekends; have a barbecue on the our part of the beach" she said, wanting to try and put the past few days out of her mind.

"Sounds good; can I get you anything else?" He asked, lifting her chin to look at him. "You don't need to put on a brave face for me"

"I'm fine; it just hit me this morning how close it was, that's all. I want to move forward, not backwards again; it's time we...I...started thinking about what's best for our family"

"Teresa, we already are a family; this isn't going to set us back."

"I know but...all I've done lately is moan about how little time I get for myself when really, Matilda is my miracle, my light at the end of a dark tunnel, and I shouldn't resent her or wish i could turn the clock back; I want to make the most of my maternity leave and make happy memories that, I know she wont remember, but I will"

"I just don't want you pushing yourself to soon too quick"

"I wont overdo it, i promise; at least not while my wrist is still healing. That accident has made me realise life is too short to spend all my time worrying and wallowing in self-pity; and if that means I have to see a counsellor then I will...as long as you come with me?"

"You wouldn't even need to ask"

"I love you" she smiled, kissing him softly.

"Love you too; get some rest"

Feeling like a weight had lifted from her shoulders, Lisbon yawned happily and allowed her eyes to close; she knew it wouldn't happen over night but deep down, if she was determined enough, it would make a difference to her emotional state of mind.