The Mentalist - What if?

Chapter 3

Later that afternoon, Lisbon and Jane were sat in the waiting room of her Doctor's office; she hadn't specifically said anything to Jane but deep down, Lisbon was worried about the appointment. She was not maternal in anyway and with what had happened, she didn't know if the drugs would've harmed the baby; sensing she was nervous from the fidgety actions she was unwittingly displaying, Jane reached over and took her hand, squeezing it gently as she looked up at him.

"Nervous?" He asked.

"Like hell" she admitted.

"It'll be fine; we'll discuss everything with your doctor and take it from there"

"What if...? What if it's a false positive? Or the drugs have harmed it?"

"Then we'll deal with it" he said as the doctor called her name.

When they'd walked out the room an hour later, hand in hand, Lisbon looked emotionally calmer; after handing her paperwork into the desk and making another appointment, they headed to the car and got inside.

"Feeling better?" He asked when she didnt start driving straightaway.

She shook her head and let the tears fall, falling into his waiting arms; he stroked her hair and kissed her forehead as she let her emotions out again. When she'd finally felt a little calmer, she drove back to her apartment, after he insisted he was going back with her, where she instantly curled up in a ball on her bed; after making her a camomile tea, he set it on her side table before lying behind her and pulling her into his arms. He left her to decide when she was ready to talk; it had been a hard few days for her and things were going to get a lot harder. It wasnt long before she was asleep so, after kissing her forehead, he quietly left the room and headed for the kitchen; rolling his shirt sleeves up, he put on the apron and started on making dinner for them.

"Jane" he heard Lisbon say from behind him a short while later.

"Hey, feeling better?" He asked as he turned the stove down and turned round to face her.

"I dont know" she answered as she snuggled into his arms.

For someone so independent, Lisbon couldnt get enough of been in his arms; she was so uncertain of everything at the moment.

"You've had a long, hard few days and gone through every emotion possible; you're bound to be tired and emotional, especially now"

"What am i gonna do?"

"Where's my strong, fearless Teresa Lisbon gone? The one that can take on a notorious serial killer?" He asked, cupping her face in his hands. "The one i fell in love with?"

"I dont know" she whispered.

"You go and have a shower or bath or whatever to relax and i'll call you when this is ready, okay?"

Eventually nodding, he kissed her forehead and let her leave the room; he needed to find a way to reassure her and get his Teresa Lisbon back. By the time the food was ready and served, Lisbon had re-entered the room, dressed in her joggers and a tee shirt, her wet hair around her shoulders; as she took a seat opposite him, he took her hand, causing her to look up at him.

"Everything will be okay; i'm not going anywhere unless you tell me. If you need to cry, scream or brood, then tell me; if you wanna smash something, i'll go and buy more plates. I do need you to talk to me though"

"I dont know anymore Jane; how did i even get pregnant? I dont even know who the dad is; i dont know if i willingly went with someone or if i..."

"You cant think like that; whatever, or however, it happened, you can only deal with the here and now. You cant waste too much time worrying about the past; it'll eat you up inside"

"Like it did with you?"

"Yeah, like it did with me because i let it; i let Red John get into my head and control everything but he's dead. I can move on with my live and make peace with what i did; i'll never forget it but maybe...you not been able to remember is a good thing, if something did happen"

"Maybe" she agreed, picking up her fork and taking a bite of the comfort food he had made her. "This is nice, thank you"

"Anything for you; you gonna be okay tonight?"

"I'll be fine"

"You know i can stay?"

"I'll be fine" she repeated. "I have to see Minelli and Boscoe tomorrow; answer to my actions"

"Not if you dont feel up to it"

"What do i tell them? I vandalised state property; i disobeyed direct orders. I was rude to them and the team..." she vented, getting herself worked up again.

"Lisbon, you need to calm down; getting worked up isnt going to help." He said, putting his and her forks down so he could hold both her hands in his, trying to calm her as he knelt in front of her. "Your doctor said you're blood pressure was high this morning; Minelli and Boscoe can wait. We'll tell them you're suffering from after effects of the poisoning; get you a few days extra leave but i need you to keep calm. Take a deep breath in...and out...in...and out; that's it, keep going with it"

Within minutes, the tension had left her body and Jane retook his seat opposite her; as they carried on eating, he didnt take his eyes off her once. When the food was finished, he sent her to sit on the couch whilst he washed the dishes and put the items away and made her a mug of tea; as he sat next to her and handed the mug to her, she leant against him without saying a word as she flicked through the channels, settling on a rom-com.

"I spoke to Minelli; just have to call him when you're ready to go in" he said, running his fingers through her hair.

"If i tell him...he'll put me on desk duty" she said, barely more than a whisper.

"Would that be a bad thing?"

"I'm only six weeks gone; it'll be for months. I'll go stir crazy; if i dont...i could risk harming it"

"Right now, all you need to concentrate on is keeping you blood pressure down; any undue stress wont help and your job, even without me, isnt stress-free"

"You're not thinking of leaving, are you? Now it's over?" She asked, lifting her head to look at him.

"The job? I dont know; you? Never"

"You might be a pain in the backside but...i dont know what i'd do if you weren't there every day"

"You wouldn't have half as much paperwork if i wasn't"

"That's true" she agreed. "But you do help close a lit of cases, with your unconventional methods; even if we dont agree with them all the time"

"I joined CBI for a purpose; what i set out to do is over, whoever killed him. Everyone knew that; Minelli doesnt expect to see me show up and everytime i do, he's surprised"

"Doesn't that tell you something?"

"You don't need to be worrying about me right now; let's concentrate on you for a while"

She sighed and rested her head back against his chest; it wasnt long before she was asleep again. Switching the tv off, he carefully carried her to her bedroom and laid her in the bed; covering her with the covers, he kissed her forehead and settled down in the arm chair in the corner of the room, a blanket over him as he watched her sleep.