Sweetheart. (Patrick Stump Imagines)

lullabye

Hey, I'm sorry if you can't relate to the theme of this one. I just need to let this out. Play "Lullabye" and put it on repeat while you read this imagine.

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The feeling of being a let down to her mom smothered Y/N's chest as she ran her eyes up and down on her phone screen that displayed her first semestral grades.

Even she herself was shocked at how low her grades were. She knew she did everything she could to somehow earn herself decent grades and by decent, meaning the grades that would pass her mother's standards.

Y/N didn't seem to mind at first. She even gave herself mental pats on the shoulder for earning herself passing grades, but she couldn't push off the sensation of a building storm inside her chest. She knew she was also disappointed, for she thought that her efforts and sleepless nights dedicated to her course subjects were more than enough, but it turns out that those weren't even close to being enough.

Y/N squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head sideways as if to banish the looming, heavy, sad thoughts in her head. "You fought well, soldier. You fought well." She spoke to herself, which she believed for a while, but she already hated the fact that she let her mother down again.

To distract herself from the hurt and the fear, Y/N went to YouTube and scrolled through Fall Out Boy's old videos to somehow douse the stormy pain forming in her chest. She watched a few videos, and wondered why none of them were comforting, nor distracting her from what she was feeling.

Y/N knew how much of a bother it is to her. She hates to see her mom's heart break again in front of her, but there's nothing else that she can do. She felt so sorry. That's the best that she could do.

Y/N decided to play the only song that's been haunting her head ever since the heavy sad storm formed in her chest. She went to Music and played "Lullabye" and put her phone facing downward on her bed.

The song finally made Y/N break down into quiet tears as she kept hearing Patrick sing, "don't worry your head, just go to sleep."

No, there's no sleeping tonight. She can't. The storm in her chest is way too strong to sleep through.

She let herself cry as she let the song be that comforting companion who kneels by your side and rubs on your back slowly.

"When you wake up, the world will come around"

The grief intensified in her heart which made her cry harder, making Y/N's torso bow down, resting her elbows on her knees and her head on her hands.

She couldn't bear to think of showing her mom her grades the next day. Of course, her mom would ask for it. She needs a proof if she's getting her money's worth or not.

The bright side of her situation at the moment are peeking and she also knows about it, but she's also tired of giving it her all and not being appreciated for trying. It's always the outcome that matters and she hates that.

Y/N's never made up her mind quickly. She's conquered her violent thoughts so many times and now, she decided that there's no use in fighting anymore. She feels so sorry that she never excelled in school. She knows that her grades or her school performance doesn't define her worth as a person, but that's the big deal at the very moment; the only thing where she should be good at is the thing where she sucks best at.

Y/N feels so sorry seeing her mother come home from work every night and seeing her look tired and miserable. She'd feel that familiar sting in the center of her soul everytime her mother would set her eyes on her; seeing her soul being on the verge of giving up and going on. Y/N doesn't want that for her mother anymore.

Y/N felt touched at how the song "Lullabye" was cooing her to rest and wake up the next day. She smiled weakly as she opened the drawer and grabbed her "emergency pills."

She popped it open and tipped the contents right in her mouth. She swallowed the bitter pills dry, her eyes tearing up from the bitter taste and from the pills sliding dry down her contracting throat.

Y/N relaxed her body on the chair, hung her head back and stared at the ceiling. She could feel her heart thrashing and suffocating while her head screams at her in various pitches. She silently sobbed.

"In the morning it will all be better"

For the people that she will be leaving tonight, she believes that it will all be better for them soon. It's just that she couldn't take her burdensome existence anymore.

Y/N also felt sorry for Patrick singing to her, pulling her to the safe. She tried so hard. No one will know, nor remember how hard she's fought. None of those matters now. None of those mattered at all.

"Don't worry your head"

Y/N's heartbeat slowly stops together with her breathing.

"Just go to sleep"

Just in time for her body to return back to the Earth and for her soul to come back home to its universe.