The Exchange Student II | Shawn Mendes Fan Fiction

Imagine if he'd never left

Erika perspective

The car ride home was short, but painful enough.
I couldn't bare to look at him, and it was weird cause with in only 12 hours, everything between us had flipped upside down, and I didn't feel comfortable around him, like I used to.
I could feel Shawn's eyes on me, almost the entire ride home but all I did was stare out of the window, watching as we past building after building.
Which made me wonder, how and what the people inside these buildings felt, and if they were dealing with major problems, far bigger than mine or if they were on a great path at the moment and at peace with the universe, until they wouldn't be.

"E, talk to me," Shawn snapped me out of my thoughts and parked his car in the usual spot.

"It's late and I have school tomorrow, wouldn't want the campus to call you again, because I slept through my alarm," I said and attempted to jump out of his car, but he stopped me and shout the door close.

"I'm sorry for what I said, it obviously effected you more than I thought it would. I was too harsh on you and shouldn't have reacted the way I did," Shawn told me with a soft voice.

"You're right, you were too harsh," was all I said and jumped out of the car. I don't know what came over me, but I just couldn't have the talk with him now, not like this. I knew I was keeping negativity alive and usually I would kill it at any chance I got, but not this time and I really didn't know why.
That night Shawn didn't say anything, but let me be with my many thoughts about my dad. Although he kept on staring at me, whenever he got the chance.

The day after that I didn't say much either, neither did I the next day, nor a week after and in general just kept to myself, whenever I was home. Everything seemed to go away during my classes, and it wasn't like I broke down the minute I stepped through the door to his condo, but I just kept quiet and spend way too much time studying, so he could tell I was busy. Shawn had tried a few times, and those few times, he had tried very hard to make me talk to him, but all I could do was sit and stare at him, slowly giving up on me day by day.
But on the other side, I had never done better in school, because of how much time I spend studying every single day, only so I could focus my mind on something else and avoid Shawn.

I could tell he was hurting as well, and it killed me even more, which only made everything worse. One night I couldn't fall asleep, because of how I was overthinking every single thing.
I went to the bathroom, to get some piles so I would actually fall asleep. I locked the door behind me, not wanting Shawn to walk in on me. It felt like I looked everywhere for them, and by the time I found them I also made eye contact with myself through the mirror. Beneath my eyes were two dark shades of bags, my skin was pale and cold as ice. I couldn't fool myself I had lost too much weight, all these things had happened because I didn't eat anything or got enough sleep.

That's when I broke, completely.

I screamed, but quickly covered my mouth, not wanting Shawn to hear me nor anyone else.
Tears raced down my cheeks, my heart hurt more than ever, and so did my head from all the racing tears. My body was struggling to breath, since it was so focused on crying, as hard as it did.

"Erika!" Shawn raised his voice, from the other side of the door, while he knocked. He knew it was locked.

"Erika open the door!" He yelled one more time, but I couldn't move, nor speak. All I could do was cry, hysterically. As I thought my heart couldn't sink lower, it dropped a bit when I heard a loud noise against the door, followed by another one, then one more and soon it hit the same floor I was dying on.
If I wasn't so worked up, I would've reacted to what Shawn had just done, but all I could was cry.

"Easy baby, easy," Shawn said once he saw how much I was crying. He bend down so he could rap his arms around me, for he first time in 5 days.

"Breath," he said with a calm and soft voice.
My crying went on and my body kept on struggling.
I could tell Shawn was starting to freak out, a little bit as well, since he couldn't get me to calm down. Before I knew it, I was in his arms on my way to his king sized bed. Shawn tuck me into him and tried to comfort me this way. By just letting me cry, while he let his hands run through my hair and ended on the back off my head.

"Just let it all out," he whispered and pressed his lips against my forehead, that was facing his chest.
After an hour, my tears had started to slow down and my breathing was beginning to get normal.

"You shouldn't be helping me, you're suppose to hate me," I forced from my lips, but I couldn't look at him.

"I could never hate you," Shawn said worried.

"I haven't said anything to you for 5 days."

"I know."

"I hate myself so much," I mumbled.

"Baby," Shawn said and grabbed my head between both his hands, so I was forced to look at him.
I could tell he was hurting too, and it only made me want to cry even more, once again. I bit my lip and tried to look away, but Shawn wouldn't let me.

"What happened?" I looked him straight into his eyes, too scared to open up.

"Please, make me understand. I've watched you slowly die from me the last 5 days. You haven't said anything, you've lost so much weight, your skin is pale and ice cold. And I couldn't do anything about it, because you were so far away. You worried me so much, E. I truly thought you weren't every going to speak or say anything again!"

I just sat there and watched him, like I had done all the other times he had tried to make me open up.

"I haven't had a dad for 10 years," I answered so quietly, that Shawn barely heard what I just said.

"I didn't know," he said, and was clearly hurt by these news.

"I know, that's why I hate myself so much, for keeping you in the dark... I was never mad at you, I just couldn't tell you, everything he has done turned me into someone I never want you to see, but when you said you didn't want to be my dad, it just clicked for me and I couldn't help but fall back into old habits, you know? Cause I was slowly starting to forget and not worry about not having one, but you kind of reminded me," I explained and bit my lip.

"You can always come to me baby, that's why I'm here! I'm here for you and I would've never said it, if I knew! Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Shawn ran his hand through his hair, clearly stressing a bit.

"I know, but I shout down... you saw me, I couldn't do anything. And I was scared, that if I told you it would bring it all up again, I've spend 10 years forgetting about it, but it never really worked until my mom shipped me off to Canada, to take my mind off things," I breathed and looked up at Shawn, before I continued to talk.

"Imagine if he had never left, I might've never met you," I mumbled, "I hate him, I hate him so much for everything he did, but I couldn't be more happy about ending up in Toronto and meeting you," I said and brought back tears to my eyes.

Shawn was soft and emotional at this point, as well.

"I love you more than you'll ever know." I told him and whipped away a falling tear on Shawn's cheek.

-

A/N This was way longer than the chapters normally are, but I hope it wasn't too much? Please let me know, just for future writing, ya know?
Also I have a few chapters ready as well, so y'all will be updated the way better the next couple of days!! I know I suck, but I really do try xx